And They Said…


That marriages are made in heaven, are they?? Marriages were made in heaven, in fact marriages were not made, they happened in heaven and were then made here on earth by those to whom these marriages happened. But not any more, Marriages now happen in the most unlikely places, pubs, clubs, cafes, in another wedding, on the internet, the brother’s “sasural” or it could be in the plain and boring office space that one goes to everyday for something as mundane as work, heaven be damned so be the marriages that happen elsewhere but as they said “ the old order changeth…..!” New? What’s new? Nothing much except that as and when these modern marriages happen, they certainly do with a bang, destinations, Dj nites, Bollywood stars, singers, event management hocus pocus, lots of money, food, drinks, designer clothes to varmalas, exotic locales, photo shoots for the social media grapplers, honeymoons to die for and then before you can say “happenstance” – the bang has burst into a whimper, all that remains are the photographs, the memories and the therapist!!

And they said, isn’t it a wee bit too simplified and generalised? Oh yes, it definitely is, the concept of marriages and being married and remaining so has also been simplified and generalised. There are just marriages happening, very few being made as it used to be thereafter till forever, the happening is just a start and the sooner one realises this, the better the chances that the marriage will ultimately be made over the years, of course evolution has directed humans in their nature to be competent for living short, successful lives as in “survival of the fittest” – so a sixty or a seventy year old commitment to live togther happily ever after is not only difficult but almost against the forces of evolution. It does and will require alot of hard work, evolutionary or otherwise, involving adjustment, compromise, understanding and above all an awful evolutionary tool called “altruism!”

And they said that “altruism” is but an act to promote someone else’s welfare, even at a risk or cost to ourselves, it’s even an evolutionary theory supported by none other than Charles Darwin who said, “altrusim as in sympathy or benevolence is an intrinsic part of social instincts” and marriages being driven by these strong instincts of being social, studies have shown that atruristic behaviour in humans breed better marriages. This study asked their participants whether they agreed with the fact that “I’d rather suffer myself than let the one I love suffer,” and “I’m willing to sacrifice my own wishes to let the one I love achieve his or hers.”

And those who agreed with these statements reported undue happiness with their spouses!! 

But of course there is more to the marriage that needs to be made than just being altruistic and giving up self love for the love of yours truly “the better or the worse half” -simply in terms of living a marriage it’s just a nuanced approach to be adopted towards sharing something devoid of all the “E factors” in your life. Lose the egocentric, egomania, egotism, the enchanted disposition, never emasculate or ennervate, avoid evasion of space both physical and mental, try not to exasperate and eviscerate and if losing the “Es” donot work then walk straight into the “F factor” with the F word and the finger!!!!

That the ultimate truth is “marriages aren’t made in heaven, but a heaven type can definitely be made in a marriage!”

And They Said…..