Arranged marriages are literally dope- either you get it bang on or you end up head banging. And yet, throughout time and ages of human existence, arranged marriages have been at least as integral for sustenance of life. However, as time changes, notions change as well- or so we thought.
But not always. Even with all its pros and cons, arranged marriages are not likely to be a phenomenon to be wiped away soon. It’s undeniable that arranged matches strive at least as an institution. Which means that the ‘very essential questions’ that would determine whether the match would be made will exist as well.
Particularly in India, the questions that would be vital to arrange a marriage can be varied. Irresponsible, illogical, absurd and (outrageously) hilarious, questions asked during the match making session can very much incite even your wrath.
Here are 19 typically Indian absurd questions asked during arranged marriage ‘meetings’-
#1 Are you a virgin?
You won’t be able to handle my answer bro!
#2 You can cook, right?
Otherwise, how will my spoon fed son fill his tummy? Oh my God, he’s our baby, you will have to take care of him!
Of course I will take care that he doesn’t have to ever cook for me. Just for him and all his people. I will just order something exotic!
#3 How much do you earn?
More than how much I will ever love you!
#4 Any past relationships?
Duh! Many. Just too many.
#5 Would you be working after marriage?
No. I am planning to die as soon as I get married.
#6 How many kids do you want?
I have always admired the Kauravas. If you know what I mean!
#7 Life goals?
Well if I had any, I would be achieving ’em all rather than marrying you, you see!
#8 How homely are you?
Depends on how much homeliness you can bear, aunty ji!
#9 Aren’t you too thin?
I’m just too sexy for you!
#10 What’s your weight?
More than all the dowry you will ever demand and which I can never afford!
#11 Expectations from marriage?
Pyaar, dulaad aur neend! And this-
#12 Why don’t you try some haldhi doodh every day to ‘bring out your fairness’?
Because life is unfair and I like it that way. Period!
#13 Can you ditch your western (mannerisms, clothes) after marriage?
Sure, as gladly as I would ditch your son!
#14 Do you drink and/ or smoke?
I toh don’t even drink water. I smoke agarbattis by the way. #sanskaari
#15 Are you healthy enough?
Yeah. Enough to beat the crap out of you!
#16 You will obviously (have to) change your surname after marriage, won’t you?
Well, if you insist, NO!
#17 (In disbelief) You have tattoos?
It’s my ex’s name btw.
#18 Do you speak English?
Myself coming from village area but talk Ingliish.
#19 Why do you want to get married?
Because I want to dress up and look like the prettiest bride and am so feeling like spending all of my hard earned money on some shit. Plus, I’m bored.