Whether you have been among the lesser fortunate types or the more privileged ones, you can’t deny that feeling of being utterly unloved at least once in your life. It might be a bout of anxiety, a severe sprout of depression or a general negativity in the air that can sometimes make you feel that you are unworthy of attention. And those who have experienced this very hard hitting realisation- read all of us- will agree that it’s not some thing we can just brush aside. It has you in loops and loops of despair, sometimes so intense that you end up even hating yourself. But in spite of the seriously depressing negativity it tends to swell up, the conviction that ‘no one loves me’ should not allow you to loathe your own being. Because like every individual on the face of this earth, you too are special and you too command a worth that no single mood or no strand of feeling should let you delegate- on your own or by bowing down to others.
So how to deal with this really shitty feeling of not being good enough that ends up making you yield in to this ‘no one loves me’ despair? We say here’s how-
#7 Learn your value
One very important thing to know in life is that no one can make you feel better or worse without your consent. Ever realised like how everytime you are in a jolly good mood and even the bluntest of taunts can dull your spirits? Or how you fail to be done up even by a really flattering compliment when you aren’t in the mood? That’s because the world can only exert that much power on you as you let it to.
Learn therefore to not let an outer perception alter your entire definition of yourself. It’s extremely essential to have faith in your being and nurture and respect your value no matter how hard or bad times get. It’s only when you allow yourself to get impacted by every little act of indifference even when it might have been just casual callousness that you tend to lose yourself to such wallowing of the self. Stay steady therefore in your own perception and guard it even when your feelings get too overwhelming to be reasoned.
#6 You don’t need anyone
Sure, you crave love- we all do. But there’s nothing so incomplete about you that won’t let you live, and live good, just by yourself. Most of the times our yearning for love stems more from the notions society has constantly fed us with. We’ve been so habituated to hearing that only when we are loved, we are whole that we fail to understand the power that self love holds and leads us into.
So the next time this apprehension of ‘no one loves me’ starts creeping unto you, do yourself a favour and love yourself a lot more. Do not let a lack of love from the world impair your own ability to deeply empathize with and value yourself. Once you know how to love yourself even when the tide’s not in your favour, you will realise that you don’t really need any one else to be a wholly loved individual. Instead consider this a blessing that you can be one of those people who can oblige the world so much with their own love instead of harking for the love of others.
#5 Do things you love
This is an extension of loving yourself because you know you are doing the self love thing right when the practice of it makes you contentedly happy. And not immensely happy- no, you don’t need to feel that. That’s an extreme experience that will leave you feeling dry and deserted once the upsurge subsides and you would crave for the euphoria all the more. Dwell therefore in simple things that bring you happiness and pleasure and makes you appreciate life. It can be something as simple as digging into your favorite pastry or hitting the gym to get your vacay goals in shape. Aim for contentment rather than ecstasy and you will find love making inroads into your life. Love your life rather than living for love and there’s no way the lovelorn queasiness can wreak havoc for you.
#4 Let the selfishness rule
Every time you feel unappreciated, leave. In every single moment that someone makes you feel like shit, give it back to them. You haven’t been born in the world to please anybody and if your dictum of not letting others take you for granted make you selfish, then let it be. Every time you let others take advantage of you while not caring even an ounce about your feelings, you are losing yourself to this spiraling thought of no one loves me. Naturally then, you shouldn’t let this be happening to yourselves if you don’t want to be the one everyone moulds as per their comfort. It’s important to know where to draw that fine line so that in pursuit of love from others, even you don’t end up loving yourself less.
#3 Give love instead
So you are one of the victims of ‘no one loves me’ syndrome? Fret not, there are many others just like you in the wide big world who are craving and awaiting only a love that can convince them that they indeed can be important as well. And while you are dealing with it yourself, it would pay to shape yourself instead as one of those souls who knows how to give love to others who are as despaired as they are.
Being a messiah of sorts itself will bring you enough satisfaction to make you love yourself more. Perpetuating the life you desire, even when it is for others, goes a long way in benefiting yourself. Because it indeed is people like yourselves that help make the world a better place. And with the world being a round place, whatever goes around is bound to come around. So immerse yourself in being someone who spreads love and yelp in delight as you find that love making its way back to you.
#2 Pursue your uniqueness
If you feel that you are not loved and would very much want to be treasured, identify the reasons that makes you less desirable. Once you have outlined the basis of why love does not seemingly have an affinity for you, you can do two things.
Either you try to fix those things that do not let the love flow unto you because you really, really want that burst of caring and nurturing experience in life. Or you can look deep into what the world might deem as your flaws and proceed to celebrate them instead. In either case what is important is that you continue to pursue what you believe in and what you truly desire. Don’t let the world stop you from changing yourself if that’s exactly the lengths you want to go to be loved. Simultaneously, don’t let anyone else coerce you into conceding to what they desire out of you. The important thing here is to stay firm in how you see yourself and do exactly the thing you want to, regardless of whether you have the outside world’s validation or not.
#1 Give it some more thought
You think no one loves you. Not your parents or siblings, not your friends or even your bae. Because they curse you for sitting in the couch all day all night long without a care for the world. Or you got a good scolding from mom because you are irresponsible enough a grown- up, not too smart and of no- good perhaps? So you cried some tears because your boyfriend left you when you were a mess? Or because dad reserved the fanciest imported chocolate for your sister and not for you?
Well, it’s all understandable. You will feel bad when no one prioritises you or when someone leaves you in the dumps or when you are abused day in and day out. But after you are done pitying and loathing yourself, do take out some time to dwell instead on the positives. The what we say? Yep, positives. Don’t you think you indeed deserve a scolding if you waste your life away without doing something of it? Can’t this one bad breakup be the reason you learn to tread forward with more caution? Or isn’t the fanciest piece of candy motivation enough for you to get out of the house and get a job?
If it isn’t already, then let it be. Let this lack of love in your life give you even more reason to love yourself right and treat life good. Your parents scolded you for your good, your boyfriend left you because you were being too toxic perhaps. Or your dad might have presented the best piece to your sibling but again, last time the grandest party happened on your birthday. Do not be so blatantly receptive of the lack of love in your life that you fail to see that perhaps at times it’s you who have been the reason behind the loss of love from some other life. Instead learn and grow from it and take this as an opportunity to appreciate what you have and work stronger to achieve what you don’t have even all the more.