Something inconceivable takes place when we first begin to fall for a new found crush or friendship. The feeling is quite unexplainable in so many ways mainly due to the mysterious aura and the unexpectedness that shrouds the experience altogether.
Falling for someone’s personality or innate charm is sometimes more than what we expect from ourselves and hence the falling seems like a slow feverish pull towards the entity.
Most of the time, the sentiment becomes this irrational recipe of slow-motion while you witness it playing out on its own accord and suddenly watching everything distorting to such an extreme that it becomes hard to perceive anything at all. It’s really similar to a fall whence you slip on an unseen banana peel thereby losing grasp on all things around you.
You can try to rationalize and use the science of spewing an abnormal amount of the oxytocin, the hormone playing a big part in social bonding and sexual reproduction. Also, one can excuse naïve hearts for getting carried away as deep within we’re typically constants in search of pure irresistible and euphoric love.
Nonetheless, this rapture of emotions cannot be taken too lightly because they have a solemn effect on all parts of our being like trust, restfulness and even psychological stability!
It is a most known fact that the pulls of attraction in its mysteriousness drive us irrationally crazy as amply witnessed throughout the epic love stories etched in history. Love as a calamitous emotion can even push us to be more dynamic but when we are deprived of it how do we cope and find the balance that is much needful for our own selves if not for others?
When love, as we seek, is within reach without the desirable reciprocation from the other end, is it worth losing your peace and self-respect by pushing your vulnerable heart on to more and more reckless thoughts and behavior towards a toxic dead end without any control? Sometimes, without reason, no matter how hard you try, your idea of love seems to be a remote tease that was within reach and suddenly, it’s just not.
Despite the terrible lure, it is okay to tell yourself that things which drive you up the wall and make you emotionally unstable are just not meant to be. When someone casts your love aside, or perhaps even worse, keeps you as an option when their first preference didn’t pan out, ask yourself whether the person is worth splitting your peace of mind into halves.
Your precious ever-youthful heart is most precious and must be protected at all cost and above everything you hold dear. One may have beautiful ideals of love that are sometimes reflected in other beings and worldly charms of the world. In times like these, the old wise Russian proverb resonates in my mind – “Trust but Verify” (доверяй, но проверяй).
There may come such moments in your life when you come to the bitter realization that your company amongst loved one is taken as a mere option and never a priority. Once this instinct strikes, it tends to haunt continually.
This realization is in fact growth in so many ways as it is already preparing your esteem to take further steps away from a one-sided and abusive relationship that would only continue to drag you down in the long run. It is not a pleasant feeling to feel like a third wheel or seeing your name circled as a last minute arrangement in a guest list.
It is easy to be caught in this rut and most of us have felt this at some point while blindly looking up to a special one through rose tinted glasses. In the sweet honeyed daze of admiration and love, it is easy to make excuses for people we admire and instead search for faults in ourselves as being needy or even going over things which make them behave the way they do.
Even personally, this sort of brutal rejection was taken in a way that I was mostly left blaming myself over and over again for things I could have done to make myself more worthy for affections of my beloved. In allowing myself to be an option, I had begun to lose such large chunks of confidence in my own self.
After repeatedly exhausting myself with tons of pretexts, the truth couldn’t be more evident and deniable: I had become the secondary go-to for people that I loved and looked up to. It was difficult to admit it at first but eventually, memories of erstwhile self-love and self-respect played their dire part in screaming out loud, “DON’T BE AN OPTION!”
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. This bitter realization will henceforth infuse you with more strength to change your beautiful self into someone who’d love themselves enough to let others love you back more fiercely than ever! There are some very meticulous mantras towards this very goal and here is how it can come to manifest for you too:
Making your needs prior above everything else
First things first, make yourself the biggest priority in your own life. Only when you exert your own value in your surroundings, people around you will realize the same. Other people can love and respect you only if you are able to love and put yourself first so much so that words and actions of others would bounce off your lovely thick skin.
In the most layman terms, the journey of becoming a ‘priority person’ starts from within. Only you can take charge of your life, project your stunning self into the world and turn your life around. In being one with yourself, being liable for what you are and taking yourself seriously, you can carve out your personal contented space effortlessly.
By living your best life, your real friends will also become apparently clear as they will still continue to stick by you. Those who really appreciate you in life will deserve to come to your yard or else they can ‘drink their milkshake’ elsewhere.
As a person who is vulnerable to allures, you may have a trying time waiting for people to come to your dominion. If you need real company, adopt an abandoned animal or start nurturing a new plant so that your priorities can be directed towards a more fruitful bond.
You can make the most of your kind heart towards beings that need and deserve your attention more than non-meaningful relationships where you’re treated as second best. Ultimately no one can be forced into making you a priority in their lives.
Never be an option as the right ones who truly appreciate your worth will always come around, no matter what. Always remember, self-respect automatically begets respect and admiration from others.
Letting Go Of Anchors
As a beautiful human being, you owe it to yourself to perceive the actions of people in your life closely and take responsibility for those around you. It is, after all, a ‘moo’ and redundant point to keep holding on to noxious people in your life who only strive to accumulate things out of you.
Observe how some people tend to drain out your energy while taking most out of you without giving back anything in return. It is important that these people are recognized for the anchors that they are and let go for the greater good.
Your gut instinct will continually work towards self-preservation and has a way of recognizing red flags. When you feel someone getting too toxic for your mental health, it is important to believe in intuition and cut off a few loose ends. Even when it seems most difficult just now, parting from unwanted toxicity will let you spread out and soar higher towards the sort of real loving that you truly deserve.
Besides, if someone is taking advantage of your good nature and draining your core energy, then it is simply a sign that you need more self-control skills and to draw necessary boundaries conscientiously.
Stress on the importance of preserving your energy and detaching yourself from the compulsions of tedious relationships whilst building individual strength that is purely irresistible in the long run. Out of compassion, you may try to be with someone despite their negativity but this would only get you stuck in a downward spiral along with the rest of your demons! Keep striving towards your own capacity and recognize your real value.
Look within yourself
It is important to weigh oneself time and again and be the heroes that we need in our everyday lives. For self-growth, it is as essential to treat people around you the same way you wish to be treated. Treat people with grace and in accordance with their approach towards you.
It is also vital to recognize the thin line between ego and self-esteem. It is good to have high self-esteem and at the same time, one should be aware enough to contain it well from becoming an unquenchable ego.
Don’t forget what you truly deserve. Don’t be relying on other’s behavior and perspectives as they’re ultimately materialized by a lifetime of various conditioning and can sometimes mislead you. Grow into the profound emotional experience that you are and don’t let the exploiters pull you down!
Being Kind to yourself
Time is a tricky tool that humbles and lifts us in the course of our personal journeys. For a great many things, time poses as our supreme teacher in the course of which, we observe and learn from past mistakes, grow out of crippling expectations and discover our true worth.
In our own ways, we learn to appreciate the good ones and let go of things which aren’t meant to be. It is on us to come to terms with our true feelings and take control of harm done from the egocentricity of others.
Above all, it is important to remember that good vibes and positive reception are as readily available and within reach as those at the other end. There are silent lovers for each one of us on this planet who’d look at you and wish the best from you and are continually cheering you on.
Simply because you have encountered a few rotten apples, do not lose hope on age-old feelings of true intentions and pure contentment as they’re as real as you and me! There is a certain glow that comes about from a person when he or she is loved in the right way.
People who feel loved and wholesome with their surroundings have a different look about them that is quite untouchable and almost spiritual in a sense. Those with self-love carry a soft, secret little smile of deep pleasure that you may miss if you don’t look fast enough. All the same, it’s there, reflected from the sunshine within, from knowing that a trusting love has been found, a love to have and to hold.
Once you have met this kind of love, wield it to look at the world with brighter eyes and raise yourself on the pedestal that you deserve to stand and be revelled at.