The paradox that the world is, it’s no wonder that the many lives it sustains forever reside in a hotbed of perplexing emotions. Life sure is no any less than an inconsistency than the world itself. Which somehow explains why even after being repeatedly fed doses of consolation and strength, we don’t really have the fearless spirit ingrained in us. Whether it be the fear of failure, the anxiety of loss or the panic of uncertainty, we find ourselves continuously victimised by this one emotion. The fear of failure specifically is all the more dilemmatic a phenomena. For years of being prodded on of not to be afraid of failure since they indeed are the stepping stones to success, and we would think we would become accustomed to these inevitable hurdles. However, that is rarely the case to be.
We fear failure like we fear death. Or perhaps, even more so. And the reason is one very obvious. Death has the advantage of scoring over pain; failure however, or the fear of it, makes life a miserable existence in itself. And pleasure seeking human beings as we are, there’s hardly anything more to the indignation of failure than it being just a tab of our incompetence.
Naturally then, with such universal stigma attached to failure, we have forever feared it even when all we have been taught is to face it. But in order to live a worthy life- one that is as replete with the pangs of failure as it is with the fawns of success, we need to know how to ace both. Here are 5 essential ways that will help you face failure like a pro and stumble, learn and recover from it for a shot at a better life-
The reason why human lives seem more complicated than they actually are is our inability to accept things the way they are. And surprisingly, this nonacceptance does not limit itself just to the negative feels. It isn’t that we fail to seek closure through acceptance only in case of failure in life. We are equally incompetent when it comes to make peace with our own happiness or even with our own achievements. We contemplate and worry so much that we hardly take things at their face value. There is always this nagging thought at the back of our minds that perhaps we might somewhat discover a speck of hope in the darkness. Or alternatively, there might be even some sinister element trying to ruin our now perfect moment.
Till the time we live in denial, we can never be at peace with what we have. Be it failure or be it success, acceptance is the key to facing life. Hence, when we fail at something ever in life, we must first try not to shy away from the fact of our failure. Failure is as human a phase or experience of life like any other. And to shy away from it means that we are going to be an even bigger failure than what we are dealing with at the moment. Accept therefore that you have failed and see this as your learning opportunity. Whether you evolve from this failure or go cautiously about it, it is only in acceptance that you can grow even through as debilitating a circumstance as failure.
There isn’t any failure greater than the one that not taking responsibility for your actions bring upon you. It’s easy to play the blame game when you are so vulnerable after a disheartening failure, but it’s also as essential to know that this shouldn’t be in any case the way to be. Nothing speaks cowardice louder than a person incapable of accepting his own circumstance. Failure specifically needs all the more courage to be accepted in all its ignominious might. And yet when we fail, we cease to be our own culprit. It’s necessary to realise that failure itself isn’t any evil. Rather, it’s the backlash of how we process the emotions accompanying it that makes it the greater evil. Trying to shield yourself from the offsetting effects of a failure not only makes you the loser, it also impedes your chance at future accomplishments by delaying the acceptance mechanism.
Seek solace in solidarity
Many a times, we derive strength in life from the life experiences of others. Call it man’s interdependency on each other as a social individual or the soul’s way of striking a chord, but our realisations become a bit more bearable when we have someone to share them with. And failure being one ordinary or equivalently grave life situation is no different. The intense hollowness of the misery that failure sucks us into is forever an undesirable prospect. Naturally then, when we see also others drowning in that same mess, it perhaps gives us a sadistic pleasure. But irrespective of the mechanism of how it works, it remains a fact that solidarity helps us strive.
Seek this shared experience therefore in great lives for whom failures marked their initial furrows into success. Think of all great minds who would not have been famous had failure boggled them as much as it did to you. Or revert instead to sharing your lessons at failure to someone. Confide either in someone who is very dear to you or at least someone who harbours effective listening skills. Pouring your heart out of its miseries is a great way to emerge stronger and contented out of it.
Move your heavy heart on
Whether it be failure in love or in career or something as general and endemic to life itself, it’s the heart that bears the brunt of it all. And it’s only natural- the feels will prick you and they will be returning to haunt you. There really isn’t any way out of the despair and desolation of a failure if you aren’t brave enough to chart one yourself. It perhaps also is contradictory but equally overwhelming that till you decide to move on from the failure, you won’t ever be done mourning it. So wallow all you can isn’t the way to go about your failure. Instead, pull yourself out of the mess and concentrate instead on making things right.
You can go back to correcting the wrongs that made you fail or you can learn from them. But whatever you do, do not absolutely keep waiting in the hope of an opportune moment. No moment in our life is not opportune enough for wonderful things to happen. Gather yourself by accepting your failure, have a last cry and make your way on a different path that will have you gleaming at all the success in the world.
Now this isn’t any way to face failure, is it? Of course not. Ages of humanising norms and centuries of societal dictums will scorn at you if you treat yourself for failing. Fairly enough though, that’s also not exactly what we are suggesting. While it pays to back yourself a little more on days when destiny does not back you enough, it’s more a matter of perception than anything else. Treating yourself when you aren’t doing a thing right might seem foolhardy but there’s another approach to this whole aspect that is logical.
Admit it or not, facing failure isn’t the easiest of tasks. It requires more than an optimum rebuilding of your self esteem to emerge victorious out of failure. And that’s exactly the reason why even in your failure, you deserve all the love and treats. Because if there isn’t anything patting your back for your every right approach to this fear, you wouldn’t ever be free of it. Treat yourself therefore with all that pleases you with each step you take in dealing with failure just right!