Spacing out the negative encroachment of self talk

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The you are your own worst enemy deliverance of wisdom by Friedrich Nietzsche might sound like too harsh a critique of what humans are capable of leading themselves into, decimating all such notions of self love and self care to what would then be most apt in finding interpretation as being mere strands of imagination. But turns out, much like the multitude of quotes attributed to famous personalities in and of history, this particular profound stemming of thought too isn’t without any basis whatsoever. In fact, this potential danger that we harbour in ourselves of affecting and impacting our own person through negativity often occurs in such surprising intensity of what we fail to understand as self harm that we fall prey to its working without even realising what we have led ourselves to. On such accounts therefore, of furthering silently vile intent for our own selves, we owe Nietzsche more than just an acknowledgement for bringing to us a reality universal enough in its working to make every one of us more than sufficiently wary about our own.

This working of self harm can take place as a wide manifestation of sorts and that which is not necessarily always physical. In fact the harm inflicted on any person that which relies on its deliverance along the routes of the mental or the emotional is always a greater evil to deal with. No any different is the route that emerges from within us when it comes to impacting ourselves untowardly, presenting instead as even serious a recourse to doom because indeed of this stemming being a realisation of incredibly personal basis. When it is negativity accruing to us from our very own there is no shrugging off that nagging feel of unease and unsurety that inevitably comes to characterise personal perceptions of self worth and shape therefore an image of the self. And within this very assertion of self image that is so important to be held always in as positive a light as possible, specifically because the world out there is already hell bent on making a mockery of it, lurks even more resolutely the danger of hurting the fragile human ego. By being our own biggest critic, even greater than the immensely supporting surety that we try to exert, we end up being instead our own worst enemy. Along this process of continuous feeding of negativity as regards to anything and everything about us, escalating perhaps from a single strand of such assertion to being more than commonly encountered traits of disappointments that we bring ourselves to, this whole evaluation exercise a bit too critical of our own is what ultimately leads us down a spiral from such negativity that cannot be compensated even by the validating applause of the outer world that we otherwise so eagerly seek in anticipation.

toxic self talk
Source: The Ofy

This tendency to come across as overly critical of our own person more often than not is understood in more concrete terms as stemming from something that characterise as negative self talk. Everything from very subtle deliverances of disapproval to really mean lambasts of our faults being the enormous range of such sessions of what should indeed have been pep talk, it is no wonder that realising the unwanted disgrace of being the victim of one’s own negativity is a reality not all of us have come to be accurately deciphering of. This is what makes negative self talk so easy to overlook, disguised as it tends to be under the barb of such remarks that we deem to be necessary for ourselves. And indeed it is at times, when glorifying to exalted extents even the lessons in our failures is surely not the way to accepting the reality that awaits us in all harshness. But beyond that and certainly to such extents that comes down as a bit too unfair on our errings that we incur by virtue of being humans and this desirable technique of giving oneself a reality check becomes a form of toxic self talk that can only make matters worse.

The reason why negative talk corresponding to and from yourself is more harmful is perhaps because of the psychological belief that we innately come to hold of our souls being forever there for our person. Even when the whole turn of tide is against us, we at least have ourselves to cling on to, to find succour in, to discover reasons worthy enough of not giving up and that brings to us a certain of solace in the moment and purpose thereafter. But by reversing this natural doctrine of how things should ideally be by surrendering even our own support for ourselves through a self appraisal of situations focussing entirely on the negative, we are squandering this solitary semblance of hope any and every circumstance, no matter how dire it might be still offers in all universal generosity. Not surprisingly therefore, this roadblock that we encounter along the path of life and escalated further by own feedings of a negative kind impacts upon the ability of us, of what we are potentially capable of. This in itself is a set off, for it makes us doubt ourselves and thereby diminish the self confidence we possess, which makes it even the more difficult to bounce back from the consequence that had unfolded as largely undesirable. Not only therefore does excessively negative self talk compound our present failure but it also impact immensely our further chance at progress, all the while exerting a stress which is difficult indeed to steer clear of.

And like all things negative that possess always a greater power of coercing one into such actions and beliefs that are limiting in their essence, negative self talk works because it happens to be highly convincing. By making one focus only on the bad side of things, this instinct to analyse happenings and circumstances in too critical a view of them perhaps to not allow oneself any laxity end up only limiting further our scope for reversing the unwanted nature of whatever had transpired. This itself is paradoxical because the self talk that we made to be so harsh on ourselves perhaps with the end goal of eliciting a favourable response in the future course of events instead constrains us further by severely impacting our mental faculties. Not only does continuous subject to negativity of the self impair our perceptions of personal worth, it also can take on more debilitating forms of such experience that makes living itself seem like a burden to us. Understandably linked to issues of depression and other parameters of detrimental mental health are the effects of toxic self talks that adversely plays down also upon our physical health and the health of our life relationships.

Despite this rudimentary understanding of negative self talk, the exploration of it can also be encountered along a different trail of though. Toxic talking to one’s own self can also be such instances of conversations that urge us to harbour deep resentment against others. Whether it be feeding your anger for someone or fan thoughts of avenging a certain purported wrong done to you and such other assertions of a malicious kind, this aspect of negativity that self talk also very often incorporates is also as damaging to ourselves. Despite the feeling of gratification that takes over us in the moment when we are validating the grudge we hold against others, such manifestations of toxicity through self talk are damaging in the long run, leading us as it does to debilitating concerns of anger and jealousy and such other reliance on what can be interpreted as evil. Destructive therefore in its dual nature, whether it be the hollowing out of self worth by such means that are crippling of our innate faculties or in such assertions that direct our energies to negative effect, toxic self talk indeed is something that should be avoided at all costs.

It’s easier said than done though. As an instinctive almost reaction to what transpires in the course of life, self talk indeed is something we find ourselves delivering a sermon through sometimes in positive and other times in negative relaying of it. At the basis of overruling this tendency to indulge in this trait of overtly critical self assessment is the ability to recognize when a needed bout of clear cut deep and intimate personal conversation takes instead the unwanted form of what can very well categorise as self abuse. This necessitates in turn the identification of the many intricate manners in which this toxic one on one plays out along the space of the personal.

While negative self talk can occur as a myriad of assertions, with individual interpretations accruing to each being liable in differential effects ranging from mild rebuke to outright insensitive jabs and judgement, there still happens to be a fairly universal pattern in how they shape up as. Beginning with the proneness we innately bear of filtering out the positive of situations to concentrate wholly on the negatives and even magnify them further, we advance rather quickly to take upon ourselves the whole onus of the mishappening, in the process even preparing always for the worst to befall and ending up therefore in such misconstrued view of things that always have to dwell on either of the one extremes of the best or the worst.

Understanding this pattern of thought that routinely comes to characterise any of our personal interactions is vital to devising a way out of this self induced cycle of toxicity. At the root of such attempts to break free from this disaster we are capable of leading ourselves to as being indeed the best version of our own worst enemy is the awareness we come to experience in the same conscience that sometimes exerts too debilitating an impact upon us. Instead of brushing aside all such talks as invalid, it also is important to understand what exactly it is that leads you every time to be so very disrespectful of yourself to the extent that you begin to shun with shame your own identity. At the end of the day, dealing with your inner musings is a psychological working you need to guide yourself into in such measures that ends up being a critique of your actions and not of your person. Translating the abuse of the negatives to a praise of the positives again is something that only a mindful, conscious and aware self talking session can lead one to.

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