Leaving is hard but what’s harder is having to deal with when someone leaves you just like that. That however is not the end of the world though it can be somewhat difficult to come to terms with such loss. Coping with being left behind by someone who you could not have imagined your life without is a whole lot of trauma. But you need to be dealing with it when it becomes the reality of your life. Here are 7 things to remember when someone leaves you so that you can cope better and recover faster out of it-
It’s inexplicably hard having to deal with the one deciding to leave you. For good or for bad, for your sake or for their own, when someone leaves you the kindest and also the strongest thing you can do is letting go. It depends on what you choose and are able to let go- it may be foresaking the affection or the attachment, it might be choosing to let go of the constant contact or the instant connection. But let go you must remember to do because otherwise you will remain stuck in a vortex of despair which will only suck you in worse with time.
When you let someone go, you still cherish the person and derive happiness in all reminiscences of moments you shared with them. But you do not absolutely cling on to the memories with such misery that you end up being any lesser a person than what you were with them. Sure, you would crave the happiness they brought unto you but when you let someone go you also learn to be happy with and by yourself.
When someone leaves you by choice, you have no other option than to let them go physically but it’s very important that you don’t have yourself hankering after them even emotionally. Because not only that’s unhealthy for you, it’s also disrespectful for the person who decided on leaving you for whatever reason. At the end of the day, every one of us is a free individual and it should be in our ability to let go of others as easily as we tend to leave them.
Do not let the loss bring bitterness unto you
It’s indeed very easy to feel bitter about someone who decides to leave you just like that, perhaps even without an explanation. And as you seek to emerge out of the void, it might also seem reasonable. We tend to believe that it’s easier to get over things when we see the bad in them or when we intentionally get so bitter about things that they start disgusting us.
On paper perhaps it does. Perhaps it becomes easier to accept a loss or a leaving when we take it as something that left us not for our good but for their own bad. In perspective however, there are psychological factors that actually seek to alter the effects from the ones we intend. Because the more we harbour the bitterness- or any other emotion for that matter- the more we will be absorbed into the apathy with which we have been left in the lurch.
When someone leaves you, it’s therefore extremely essential for you to remember that you should not let the vulnerability get unto you to such extents that it fills you with malice that is uncharacteristic of your true self. Which also means no loss whatsoever- whether it is because someone left you or because you drove them away- should make you so much a puppet that you tend to lose yourself in the mess. It’s therefore all the more important that you learn to let go so that you do not have any bitterness creeping upto you and undoing all good that each of you have done to the other.
Do not also interpret the leaving as a loss of love
There can be people who would love you so much but will still choose to leave you. And it is’t always because you are not enough or the love is not real. When someone leaves you it might be because there can be pursuits better and bigger than love. Or because you are not compatible enough to be together even with that very evident spark you share. It might even be some irreconcilable differences between you guys or it maybe their personal nature that makes themselves deem unfit to stay put with some other person.
Whatever it might be, just because they have left you does not mean that you should ever doubt the emotions of that person or believe that they had run dry and out of their love for you. People leave for many varied reasons and all love lost might be one of the basis but it sure isn’t the only reason for it. Also because love ceases to be enough when life goes for a toss, blaming it all on the lack of feelings is not a worthy tribute to love as well. Remember therefore not to put all onus on the lack of love as the factor that drove you away from each other.
Allow the gratitude to flow
When someone leaves you, they only exit your life physically. It’s not in their power to stop impacting the lives they once were a crucial part of. Either emotionally or sometimes even to tangible measure they continue being an integral part of the ways they once embarked upon. They would be there in your memories and in your thoughts and perhaps even in your prayers and praises.
Which is exactly why you need to remember people long after they have made their way out of your life. Just because they left you does not mean that you don’t acknowledge that it was them who helped you pursue your passion for doodling or that it’s indeed them to whom you owe your new found confidence and assertion. You do not need do away with the profound impact they had on you. Just because they taught you to cook the most delicious stew ever does not mean that you abhor it once they are not there with you. Neither should you regret trusting them with your life’s wildest desires. Gratitude should be time- transcending and omnipresent otherwise it’s just thankless pride that you otherwise seek to veil your emotions with.
Let therefore the gratitude flow forever. And not just for what they had done for you. Keep them forever in your good thoughts and show respect to the many wonderful times you had spent together. Be thankful to them that they had at least for once graced your life with their presence. Remember to love them even when they leave you and let your nature speak for yourself.
Learn your lesson
After you have carefully ventured out of the murkier waters and not let either despair or bitterness get the better of you, it’s time to be a bit more perceptive of yourself. When someone leaves you without you having seen it coming, it’s blatantly true that you would find yourself in a state of utter disbelief and chaos. Perhaps you had done all you could for the person who mattered so much to you, perhaps even overlooking their wrongs and choosing to believe in them one last time. And yet they leave you like you weren’t anybody to them, like they would not care if you died or cried you way out of that.
It’s equally realistic on the other hand to think that the someone who left you chose to because you were being impossible in this case. It might be your lack of efforts or your ideology, your mannerisms and your shallow soul, or anything else whatsoever that convinced them that the best thing to do would be to leave you. And it isn’t always that they didn’t even try; perhaps they did, perhaps even more than they could and yet somehow it was still not enough.
Either way, now you are left alone and that does call for some introspection. When someone leaves you because you valued them more than they deserved, then obviously it’s time for you to cut some slack. Here’s your very important life lesson that teaches you how elevating someone to a pedestal would render them so far- fetched that they tend to get out of reach even for you. Similarly when you are the reason behind the loss, it also imparts another equally relevant and striking life lesson. Here’s your opportunity to mend your ways and your self so that you don’t drive people crazy to the extent that they would rather leave you- even in the lurch.
Remember that it is not always you
If and ever in life when someone leaves you do not mope at how imperfect an individual you are, how totally undeserving of all the joys of the world. Just because someone leaves you, it should not give you the perfect excuse to demean yourself or thing about yourself as less worthy. Sure you can be the problem at times and so can they. Hence do not take this opportunity to whine at a life that you can mould exactly the way you want to. Someone leaving you does not make you a victim, what it makes you is what you allow it to make out of you. Because it isn’t always about you, you should not let all claims rest solely and exclusively on your person.
However also because not every thing is about you all the time, you also cannot be questioning someone’s decision when they want to leave you. You do deserve an explanation but that’s about it. There’s no obligation of the part of others that they hanker after your consent in wanting to let you go. However tough it might be on your part to gulp that down, your every suffering and every insecurity is only your own. Do not therefore expect any right of the supposed wrongs you have been done and learn dealing with your concerns yourself.
Discover yourself a little more everytime when someone leaves you
Either to ward your mind off the fact that you have been left wallowing or because you genuinely want to discover other aspects of yourself, take this time as an opportunity to be at peace with yourself and unraveling yourself in a different light. After you are done speculating why someone chose to leave you, set out on fixing things that you have identified and that indeed needs some work done. Try dealing with your short tempered nature and you might amaze yourself at how calm you can be when you indeed want to. Try to be not very naive about people and you will understand how it is not so difficult to decipher their real intentions.
Understand that not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever- that would make your existence a bit too crammed perhaps? Realise that not every person deserves your unflinching attention, learn that you don’t owe an explanation for every single thing you do. Be assured that not everyone will treat you right just because you do them good. Trust also that not all people will ditch you someday just because one heart had been unfaithful to you.
As you start dealing with things by yourself and in a perspective different than what has been defining you until now, you will emerge a different person. Only then you will realise that beneath your vulnerability there lies such a strong soul that can be battered but not belittled. Try emerging out of your pride and you will know that there’s absolutely no need to be flaunting your achievements or your laurels. When you know yourself inside out, you will be happy and contented with yourself no matter what. You would then no longer dwell in the accolades or the love of others to be completely at ease with who and what you are. When you set about discovering newer things about yourself, you also prepare yourself for such happenings that might be disappointing but will never be destroying.