Giving the benefit of doubt in a relationship- all that it takes

benefit of the doubt in relationship

Because humans tend to be such complicated existences in person, it is only obvious that human relationships are as tricky a life course to maneuver. However bad we might crave the warmth of relationships and the comfort of residing in a familial affection exclusive to us, it is but only a matter of a few words or a couple of disagreements that can make even the most precious bonds of life seem like choking catastrophes to us. While that is something inevitable because relationships much like people themselves are delicately woven strands of emotions and heartfelt longings, it though is desirable to live our lives through such enriching connections with our special people that will keep us forever happy and contented.

And while every single relationship that rules the ambit of the social existence of humans can offer enough breeding ground for discords and disagreements, it mainly are romantic relationships that has to bear the greatest burden of suffering among them all. And no, this isn’t any undue obsession with the vagaries of love and the enticing rage of romance that has us being especially mindful to the partner connection. But the notion of special emotions attached to love relationships has forever spurred it’s quite vainful essence to the extent that the instant we fall in love, we know we are up for something quite different than what we have experienced till now. For all bonds of life are indeed based on the singular identity of love at the foremost, the manifestation of the emotions are not always the same. Be it the parent- child love or sibling love, the love of a friend or the love brewing between soulmates, each emotion that we feel for each of the many humans that matter to us tend to be distinctive in their own right.

Concentrating wholly on the pursuit of romantic love however, this form of love tends to be all the more complicated of its kind. That’s because while love itself might not feel entitled enough to be demanding, the same is not the case with a romantic affair. Once you get into a relationship with someone whom you have not known for the longest period of time in your life, you are making allowance for an altogether different individual to make inroads into your personal existence. Even with someone who you might have probably been friends with ever since childhood, the whole prospect of being in a relationship with them will inevitably bring about changes in your current standing with each other. Because this is but the very nature of a relationship flowing out of a love for another individual who isn’t otherwise related to you in any way, it is essentially why romances and romantic relationships are so much difficult bonds to sustain.

Because everything has been purported to be fair in love and war, it follows naturally that ‘conflict’ forms an important part of romantic relationships. In fact, those couples who fight tend to share a healthier bond as per numerous studies and surveys. Whatever that might be, it indeed though is ideal to avoid arguments as far as possible, specially when the underlying reasons at hand are something as futile as they often tend to be.

Which brings us to our focal point of discussion we are setting out to address this time around. In romantic adages where also such negative elements of jealousy and over-possessiveness rules as strong as the love itself, it isn’t unusual to argue over matters that are otherwise whimsical or even plain stupid. From getting upset over every single call that goes unanswered to arguing over somewhat more relevant matters of putting up excuses every time you have some plans to play along to, relationships indeed have us worrying over matters that are as trivial as they can get. And yet it still are such moments of anger and disappointment that can make even the strongest of love bonds wither away with time.

What emerges as important in situations like these that have the potential to drive your relationship astray is to allow yourself some peace. And that you do by allowing instead your partner the benefit of doubt. In preaching, benefit of doubt is an ‘advantage’ you allow yourself in believing the words of some other person mainly because you yourself are unsure of what happened. This simplistic approach to most of life’s problems however isn’t as much of a realistic exercise in practise. It’s one of those classic cases of easier said than done, wherein you seemingly give the other person the upper hand subject to your own doubtful speculations, at the same time however still having your own reservations of the same.

In the parlance of relationships where time, trust and truthfulness are seen as the path to success, the assertion of the benefit of doubt dictum comes across as even trickier a notion to concede. For a new found love interest who postpones your second date together because they have errands to run, granting them the benefit of the doubt by taking their word for it is all that you can do. Because as new acquaintances with each other, you really can’t come to a conclusion yet whether they are deferring the meeting just because or whether they really are being honest with you. No less ambiguous can be the situation with the partner of many years as well. Keeping you waiting on a date because they got stuck up in traffic can be as legit a good excuse or equally barren a truth. Given such inconclusive derivation from administering this dosage of the dubious, it indeed is a difficult truth to ascertain as to what situation in life justifies your reliance on it.

And this is where your foresight and gut feeling comes into play. Relationships anyway are always something abstract, there does reign set rules of love that you can conform to in pursuit of the ideal relationship. But nothing in this whole wide world can ever provide you with the most concrete foundation of a successful relationship. Exercising therefore the restraint or parallelly the privilege of the benefit of doubt can be as yielding or unyielding a matter, subject to your discretion. It doesn’t matter if your relationship is only beginning to grow or if it already is in the more advanced stages, there always exist some space to exert the benefit of doubt, given how willing or unwilling are you to unleash its power.

This ‘power’ that we just touched upon is the one that allowing yourself the privilege of granting the benefit of doubt to your partner yields unto you. Take for instance turning up late for your planned night out together because you were really all caught up at work. Disheveled and disappointed as you are from all that work and also from that inability to make time out for someone who matters the world to you, imagine being shouted at by your partner because they think all of this is just an excuse you are making because you aren’t serious enough for them! That’s probably the worst possible feeling to encounter- drained and guilty already in your failure to keep up to the mark with your promise and then undergoing a second guilt trip because the person you intended to make all that effort for misunderstands you.

Reverting the scenario however when it’s your partner who ends up being late, imagine the same mental state they would be in if you do not take their word for whatever happened. This exactly is why allowing someone the benefit of the doubt is sometimes the only thing you can do, even when that might not be necessarily a correct assessment of the situation. Adhering to the bliss of ignorance because your doing otherwise will only end up creating a split sounds therefore like the most logical thing to do.

But again, this though would not be without repercussions. In situations where your partner indeed would have been lying, this would entitle them to an unfortunate advantage, thereby rendering you in peril of letting your relationship slip away. It’s important therefore to assess whether the ignorance you choose to reside in is indeed that of bliss. Or whether that is only a route to your misery, in the veil of mindless bliss. As usual, the idealistic solution lies midway, but deciphering the even middleness of the road is again, quite tricky a thing to do. The world of reality dwells only in the idea and not the realisation of the ideals and nor does your relationship. Granting the benefit of doubt to your partner in cases that you might seem fit is therefore only a way to not let the falsities ruin your beautiful bond. It merely is a way for you to keep yourself comforted with the knowledge that come what might happen of it, you totally honored the expectations of trust that every relationship brings along with it. It lends you peace because you would not be worrying unnecessarily over such matters your partner have assured you otherwise of. It saves you the time you would have spent mindlessly fussing over what could have been, and makes you value all that you have. While this benefit of doubt can very much stand to make you gullible, it also can foster an even stronger bond. For in gratifying your partner with the benefit of the doubt, you actually show to them what the relationship means to you, in turn inspiring them to overcome their possible lies and instead honor the trust you choose to place on them. In perhaps granting you a more fruitful relationship or else rendering you ignorant enough to sideline a not so rosy one, the benefit of the doubt does end up benefiting you in some way or the other.