The dynamics of romance: love, also for the in- laws

healthy relationship with in laws

Romances are ever thought of as fairytalesque accounts of all things rosy and lovely and happy and so should be romantic relationships of the real world in all their encompassments of togetherness, not just catering however to the bond shared by the lovers but extending also beyond to be as enriching experiences and as valuable assets of life for the closest kin and family of them. But while sustaining a relationship itself is tricky enough to often take a toll even on the most lovestruck of couples, the issue becomes all the more difficult a dilemma to deal with when families get essentially involved.

It indeed would be difficult for any individual to get along well with everyone of their partner’s family because there will exist a whole lot of differences in cultures and upbringing, in moods and disposition, in habits and behaviour, in thought and ideology because of which the relation to shape up with one’s in- laws always comes across as a challenge for almost all couples.

But it still is this attempt to foster as amicable ties with these folks of familial association as well that matters a great deal in making romantic relationships more blissful the affair than what they already are. Which is why it becomes essential that we live by certain unsaid but effective rules that will go a long way in ensuring that the love we hold for our partner and the connection we share with them encompasses also all aspects of them, including of course their part of the family who would therefore be also as inseparable a part of us.

Treat them as family

There’s no other way than indeed loving and respecting your partner’s family as your very own if you want to extend the love relationship to those wonderful people as well. And while this is something very obvious it also is taken for granted enough or not indulged in fully, making therefore the family bond unable to fit into the equation. The first and most vital step to ensure that you enjoy as love filled a relationship with your in laws as your beloved does with them is to see them as your own people as well. Getting along well with anyone becomes all the more easier when you tend to think of them as not any ‘other’ but as one amongst your own. And specially with your spouse’s part of the family who are after all sharing them with you, it indeed is all the more crucial and necessary.

Set clear boundaries

This might come across as conflicting that we are talking about boundaries right off from our outright advocacy for inclusivity and oneness. But despite what one might believe, setting boundaries even for your own family members is one of the keys to maintaining a healthy relationship with them. As humans, it is natural for every one of us to have our own set dimensions in which we are comfortable enough to function. Overstepping those limits only exerts pressure on the ties we are trying so hard to build, thereby potentially sabotaging our most earnest efforts at fostering the same.

To avoid such conflicts it is only desirable then that we make clear demarcation of the boundaries that each one of us needs to adhere to, in gentle but certain terms so that personal interests and familial pursuits do not overlap and tinker with the way we are intending to go about our lives in the overwhelming realisation of just how important every member of the family is to every one of us.

Do not compare and compete

We all tend to draw comparisons between people from time to time. More so in the case of having to deal with an extra family when we already have our own, this slipping into the mode of making endless comparisons becomes an involuntary but very dominant part of our lives. But it is important here to remember that every individual is unique and so is every family and the way in which they function and even love and live which is why it makes no sense if you compare your mother’s love to your mother in law’s expression of affection.

Comparison also is bad in such cases that involves something as delicate as relations because that induces a rather destructive medium of competition. Trying to come off as better than your brother in law or wanting to outdo every time your father in law in commanding the affection of your partner can be harmful practices to indulge in just because you want to assert your significance in the family. The best you need to do is try to be a part of the family and make also every member your own without yielding in to the play of power that is likely to take over more than often in such settings.

Do small things that matter

Whether it be cooking them a meal once in a while, including them in your weekend plans for one time or sharing with them the details of your recent visit to the doc, it is the small things that always count the most when it comes to building relationships. Because these are the small joys and intimate moments that we all live for, fostering a special, lovely bond with your in laws is possible just by making them a part of your life, much because they indeed are. Getting together around like the family you all are, not just on celebratory occasions but also otherwise when you feel like it is a rather wholesome way of having fun and spreading love with your partner as well as with the people of whom they stem.

Let go of the grudges

It only is natural for every one of us to sometimes argue and fight and disagree on things, even when it’s our very own dear family. But that does not mean that we hold such episodes of conflict in such esteem that we refuse to look beyond the negativity. Accepting someone as your own and sharing with them the love that you would with your own precious folks means also that you are willing to let go such arguments and differences while holding tight to the bond that you want to cherish all through your life. Holding grudges is one of the most negative things you can be doing anyway and specifically holding them against the loved ones of someone you love so much as well sure is even more negative a prospect that you would be well doing away with.

Do not try too hard

alia bhatt kapoor family
Source: Dailyhunt

As much as it is essential to take pains and make efforts to ensure that you fit in with the family that isn’t exactly your own, at least in blood and birth, it also is equally important to not lose yourself in the process. Exerting yourself too much to build a relationship with others will only prove to be futile in the long run because you would not be your own true self throughout the journey. This might lead you to develop in fact negativity towards those you are trying to befriend or even make them consider you a fake person when your real self comes to manifest as someone the opposite of what you were so trying to project.

Losing one’s identity is never worthy of any life pursuit and that goes the same for relationships. Instead, be your unique self and try to embrace also the uniqueness of others for a healthy coexistence and a fulfilling bond with your partner and the other members of the family.

Let not your personal discord ruin the familial ties

Even the most blissful of relationships will have problems and specially when you are married or are living with your partner under the same roof, the grounds and basis of discord becomes all the more aggravated. And while holding your sanity across the premises of a heated argument with your partner is easier said than done, you still should be conscious and respectful enough to not unnecessarily drag their family into the mess. This way you would be squandering not just the chance you have to build an amiable relationship with them but also possibly distance yourself from the love of your life who obviously would not like their family to call out against, much like you would never want them to call out yours.

You need to truly love and respect your in laws to not yield in to the temptation of blaming them every time something unwanted plays out between the two of you as a couple. And even when it indeed might be sometimes a conflict arising out of certain matter pertaining very much to the family itself or one of the members, the way to resolve is to make your partner and their family understand the root of the problem while not turning a blind eye yourself to what might be a probable alternative viewpoint. Anyway, if you actually consider your in laws as your family and vice versa there would not even arise this situation where you are constantly trying to blame and judge each other for any untoward happening.