There are somethings on earth so real that no matter how cliched they sound to you, they strike in experience with a force that is bound to set you bundling off to disbelief. Because these are notions often heard of but you don’t view them as the truth because you have never, or only seldom encountered them, they tend to strike you out of the blue even when they are one of the glaringly sad realities. And one such very misconstrued belief rears its ugly head quite frequently in human relationships. The truth being ego, adeptly emerging from a universal lie that we aren’t the ones to be playing foul through it.
Perhaps what makes ego such a vile but subtle force in eating out relationships is its ambiguity. Ego may mean one thing to you and another to me. You might wrongly interpret my self respect to bash me as an egoistic individual. Or I can choose to overlook your ego as something related to your self esteem. It’s indeed true then that most often, it isn’t ego but our perceptions that ruin relationships. This however does not in any way overrule how the ego manifestation in even barely there facets can ruin not just a romantic relationship or a professional one but also something more important as a friendship.
Why we think friendship is more pertinent than a love relationship isn’t something that is again attributable to the cliches. But because friendship can be anything over and above romance as well, friends perhaps are the greatest gifts of life. Ironic it is therefore that even a bond as strong as friendship can stand ruined owing to ego. But it indeed does and here’s all the mindless ways it can happen-
Your ego supersedes your person
There’s a reason why ego is often mistaken for self respect. The haughty minding of the self that ego is, it can lead people to think of themselves as perfect. There’s this inclination among folks to view themselves as incapable of any folly and therefore unrequiring of tendering an apology. And because the egoist insists to view it as high regard for himself, there’s no way you can chide him for doing it. With such people, it is highly unlikely that your friendship will survive the test of time. Hence for people with profound ego, friendship seldom can outlive it all.
It has you living exclusively on and for it
Someone who harbours too big an ego can never love and respect another who is even a bit non parallel to them. Even when they call you best friend, their ego wouldn’t ever let them consider you as such. This isn’t however to say that egoistic friends are superficial. But the fact of the matter is that even in all their real feelings, they will struggle to work out the friendship without feeding their ego. As distinct individuals, even friends can have their points of discord and argument. The key here is to keep aside the differences and reconcile while keeping in mind that these differences will persist but won’t overrule your friendly bond. But when there’s ego at bay preventing you from all efforts at developing a relation based on understanding, it’s no surprise where your friendship will be heading into.
Ego hampers essential friendly qualities
Believe it or not, but too much of ego can interfere with your listening skills. Why this is important to focus on is because every good friend is also a good, or at least patient listener. Till the time you can put your own issues aside and concentrate wholly on what your friend is saying, you aren’t really the true friend. Because friendship also is therapy and listening an essential agent to it, your ego will likely ruin all if you refuse to let it weaken its hold on you. It sure might sound all whimsical and too psychological, but the truth here is as blatant as it can be. Here ego might not be ruining your friendship, it might even prevent it from developing altogether!
You exist entirely at the mercy of your overshadowing ego
A very paradoxical thing about ego is that it also feeds itself. Add to it the feeding you do and it’s guaranteed to annihilate anything that pursues a way out of it. Ego does not just break relationships by leading you to arguments. More often than not, ego silently held in own personal malice against your friend does more harm to your friendship. So even when you do not speak out any such self haughtiness in your words, the underlying ego in your soul manages to make its presence felt.
In coherent actions and in subconscious body language, your egoistic self shows through. You come across as a person too sure of yourself to give any relationship a chance if it does not conform to your set standards. That drives people away from you, whether they are someone you call your friends or family, your ego can let people to surmise your devaluation of them.
Ego is your ultimate nemesis in disguise
Not very surprisingly, in all its enormous pride, ego can even be your defense mechanism. One that is not conclusive enough to let you rest your case to others. This means that in your own blinding by the ego you guard, you see the world only as you want to see it. But the world is a much diverse place. With everyone choosing to view the world as per their liking, it isn’t just your ego that can be the be all and end all of your friendship.
Ego is perhaps most destructive in relationships when there is a corresponding clash involved. Not to say however that a non egoistic soul will forever persist in dealing with your whims. But when it is two equally egoistic selves at either end, relationships break off faster than expected. Because none would care to mend the bond, instead choosing to fend to their own self image, egoistic souls cannot stick together despite their residing in the same world of the self.
To conclude therefore, whether it be the ego stemming of your selves or making its inroads from the other person, ego does not let relationships sustain and survive. That’s just how ego in friendship can ruin your relationship once and for all.