Waxing eloquent on the many vagaries of what we profess as love is an obsession that is as crucial to life as life itself. Indeed, what is life without the passion of love to charm it up? Falling in love is something we all weave fantasises about. But love, as red as it is, does not remain content with merely endowing the bliss of romance. When love goes awry, or worse, when love does not find a way to go awry, it ends up making life ugly, a bit like the redness of sore eyes. How to deal with one sided love has been an enigma for years that have baffled souls and spirits. Yet, it is only when we get into the deep recluses of a broken heart can we fathom how life is not always and not just, all about love.
Indeed, we don’t fall in love with any intention. We fall in love as purely and deeply as love demands. Yet it is seldom without any expectations that we covet true love. Love is sweet at all times, sweeter when reciprocated but sweetest when unfulfilled. We might be sounding like a crackhead here but one sided love has a certain charm to it, one that drowns you in hope even when nurturing your deepest desire.
Even the fascination for unrequited love is such that it weaves tales better than that love stories do. It holds you forever in passion and has the glimmer of anticipation that makes life all the more seductive. To say therefore that if you haven’t ever been in one sided love, you have never been in love with love itself would not be an exaggeration!
Hearts however are fragile and ironically or perhaps not so very ironically, not every rejection is met with acceptance. It’s therefore imperative to realise that flunking love is not the end of life. Dude, you have flunked classes after acing test after test so be rest assured that love can’t do much to put your life off track. All you need to do is collect yourselves and emerge stronger of this mess after some initial wallowing. Love isn’t such that breaks your spirit and if you are still willing to love more even when being unloved in return, you are Cupid’s worthiest pupil!
It’s easier said than done though. Looking at positives when your heart is bruised and your soul is in pain can come a little tough. But it’s really possible to deal with one sided love and still be the best you can be. Read on to know how-
Let love drive the hurt out
Because initially you are allowed to cry your lungs out, you should. Trust me, crying help relieves a lottt of pain. And popular perception has got it totally wrong that crying is a sign of weakness. In fact, letting the tears flow is an indication of just how strong you are to not let what affects you be brushed under the rug.
So go on and cry. You would not really need any other trigger to let the emotions come all out. But if you want to, you can sure cry over a really melancholic number. Once you have cried so much that you can cry no more, go to sleep and rise the next morn as fresh as a little kid.
This is something very perceptive. Whether you want to let your feeling find expression in such creativity that will satiate your heart and soul or you want to tone down and snack instead on chocolates all day, all night long, do it. It doesn’t really matter to what extreme you go provided you don’t let the extreme become excessive. Even in your pain, you should know the limits and not step outside the zone in search of comfort. That’s how you ace heartbreaks. And life.
It’s nice that you are lucky enough to have such friends that will stick day and night with you. But you really won’t emerge stronger from any situation if you don’t heal by yourself. Of course your friends will be forever there for you but you also need to learn how to deal with things without anyone by your side. So once you are a bit less vulnerable, seek solace in solitude to soak things better. It is only when you look deep into your heart that you will be able to extract it from the darkness.
Don’t try harder
After the initial lowdown there will be this surge of emotions that will ask you to try harder. Never do that. Because it will be harder for you to cope with the same grief a second time.
Rather, give yourself and the person you love some time and space. You can revert to being friends if you had already been. Or if the other person gradually realises that they like you too, let them open up this time. But don’t charge at it yourself, at least not for quite a while.
Even when they choose to get back with you, take your time and make logical decisions. Jumping into conclusions out of affection can cause you more distress. Your love is worthy, do not put it at stake every single time.
Discover life anew
A heart break is just the perfect opportunity you needed to see life in a new light. Preachy as we might be, you need to acknowledge that your sorrow isn’t the greatest of ’em all on earth. Eventually as you take the grief in your stride you will realise that you have far more things to be happy about. No doubt the longing will return to rule at times. And it’s perfectly all right. But be conscious enough to not just get into it. Divert your focus rather on things that give you joy and ignites your desire to let all good things flow.
Why we have singled traveling exclusively as the way out of heartbreak because it diverts your mind like no other. In a different land, with different people you will have so much to laugh and think about and so much to be sad over that your feelings will be trivial.
Travel as much as you can, in groups or alone, to exotic locales or to heritage destinations, to explore or to get lost in the crowd. Travel brings you such peace in exactly the way you choose that you end up being more sufficient for yourself. Deal with one sided love by dealing with the world, so cool!
Focus on a new hobby
It might be something you particularly detest or are bad at or it might be something you always wanted to do. You can pick anything that you feel would relax, or better, challenge you. Only when you can do things that resist you, you can have your heart win over all the resistance as well.
Let the love go, but never make a foe
Once you are head strong enough to go on with life more or less normally, you will have to make a very conscious decision. Whether you can subdue your feelings and whether you want to. It’s all well and good if you still cherish the feeling of being in love. It’s perfectly all right even if you want to further nurture that love or try to let go of it.
But in any case, never let such a powerful thing as love dampen your spirits so much that you make a foe out of something so beautiful. Love them or do not love them, but don’t hate them. Remember, your feelings are yours to undertake and deal with. Don’t ruin someone else’s life just because they didn’t hoard the same feelings for you. And trust us, it will do more harm to you than them.
Focus your love on yourself
Self love is the best form of love. And we are not saying that you didn’t have yourself in mind when you fell for someone who does not love you back. But after the heartbreak it’s now more essential to nurse yourself a bit more.
Take yourself out on dates, pamper your body with relaxing massages, treat your taste buds to things you drool over, fit your figure into a dress hung somewhere back in your closet, take long drives or walk long roads, seek out the pretty flowers and the chirpy birds, feel the rustle of warm autumn leaves underneath your feet, go on solo movie marathons, scoop yourself an extra ice cream, read, write, sing, dance, laugh, work out, do whatever makes you appreciate your life and your world all the more. Remember, you are your own sunshine. We all are.
Love is special, no matter what
It’s easy to identify love as a folly by those who have not been reciprocated but this isn’t correct. Even when you are considerably in hurt, you should not be denying the wonder that love can be. This includes shutting yourself from all the love the world has to give to you. You will find love in life like everyone does- whether it be romantic or platonic or self love, love is always worth raving about. Don’t let one unrequited love saga take that magic away from your perception of love. Love will eventually make your heart beat right and you just need to hold love in such faith that does not fizzle out.
Cut out desperation
Having acknowledged love as the essence of life, it’s important also to know you are not the worse off without it. There are hearts that seek one love after another to help them tide over the past. That’s unfair, on your part as well as to others.
Do not be so desperate for love that you do not wait for love to find its way. Love will definitely come in sometime and you will be better off. But that does not make your current life any less than what you think could have been.
Sort social media wisely
The way for Gen X to go about with failure in love is using social media as a shielding tool. Once ties become sour we are quick to block and unfriend, delete and report. It’s really up to you how you wish to sort out your life and hence your social profiles. But one thing for sure is that blocking never helps. Because it is a vicious circle where you cut off someone so much that you become all the more curious about them.
You block and unblock, then check and stalk and ultimately you are left stranded at the point of no return. You feel your emotions surging on every glimpse of their photo after a torturous sabbatical. This makes it all the more difficult to keep your feelings under a certain, steady check and makes emotional trauma a deliberate everyday affair.
Also, do not use your statuses as a platform to proclaim your love. Not everyone deserves to know how you are feeling right now and it is on you to ensure that you are not the object of pity for everyone around. Just because love let you down does not mean that you yourself should as well.
Do not lose yourself to love
Another thing to remember is that it’s pointless trying to mould yourself into the perfect lover. Sure, you might want to fit in with expectations to have one shot at acceptance. That’s fine provided you do not lose yourself in the process. Do not take your rejection as an insult and try to avenge it. Someone might not love you back even when you are amazing because you guys simply don’t click. That’s how the universe works and it would do wonders if you let destiny stick to its game plan. And anyway, if destiny intends on surprising you, it sure will, anyhow!