This is a universal truth universally acclaimed- the friendzone isn’t the trendiest of places to be in! While friendship in itself is a relation that is indeed priceless, it tends to be not so much of a coveted zone when you expect a romance out of it. Being the desolate friendzoned folk is never easy and contrary to popular perception, even femme fatales end up being just friends. It however indeed is possible to make your way out of the friendzone and mark you romance horizons if you are persuasive enough to do it. Here are some such ways that will grant you the most effective way out of the friendzone you had been looking to ditch all throughout-
Seek the cliched way out through acceptance
Obviously, being put in the friendzone is no way to be living the romantic life. But no matter how bad it might feel to be the one who’s been thought of as ‘just a friend’ by the person of your dreams, it would do you well to make acceptance of that categorisation. It is a matter that needs to be reiterated- you need to accept the reality of a situation first if you want to over come it. Because the longer you are in denial, the longer you would be putting off devising ways to get out of it.
Be it the greater pain of moving on after a heartbreak or the despair of being friendzoned, it’s acceptance that is the key every single time. No matter how bad it might hurt, putting off the fact that you are only a friend for the one you love will only fuel your false hopes and will stall- or worse, even debilitate the whole process of emerging out of the friendzone.
Do not let the depth of the friendzone despair you
The real journey of moving out of the friendzone and into romantic zone needs to be emphatically begun once you have made full acceptance of the reality. And the foremost step forward to that effect is not let the despair be too obvious of you. Indeed you would be feeling hopeless and out of spirits but that should not be allowed to reflect in your mere mannerisms. Why faking the impact the entire friendzone seating have had upon you is so pertinent is because it works well not to project you as the ‘poor soul’. You certainly would not want to be the object of pity for the person you love, especially not after they have made it clear that they don’t even think of you as anything more than friends.
No one likes a person wallowing in self pity. Sure you might win the sympathy, you might garner the support, you might even achieve the togetherness but that would all be merely for the sake of it all. You might think that in being the distressed soul you are at least gaining more attention than what you expected to out of the friendzone. But not only all of this empathy will be momentary, it can even drive you further to the remotest corners of the zone you deeply wish to get out of.
Do yourself therefore a favor and do not let the agony of being the friendzoned fellow get unto you if you really, truly want to get out of it at atleast some point of time in your life.
Keep the love to yourself
It’s easy to get all the feels even more intensely, specially when you are already feeling down and out. Being overwhelmed thinking about just how much you love and crave them and unable to do a thing about it- emotions aren’t the easiest of things to manipulate and maneuver. But once you have been pushed into the friendzone, you need to be extra cautious of letting your love be blatantly apparent. Blurting out a “I love you” everytime your heart does a somersault on seeing them will only make your place in the dreaded unromantic zone a more certain and forever reality.
First this control over your emotions is necessary so that it does not feel like you are someone who is clueless about their own self or someone who is overtly emotional and perhaps clingy. Also keeping your feelings in check, or at least to yourself, is important if you don’t want to come across as someone who does not respect the sentiments of others. Either way, being too lovestruck will only make the entire lovey- dovey thing a bit too difficult for you because no one would ever want to be with an emotionally insensitive or unstable person.
Obsess a little less
It follows without saying that if you indeed have to keep the love to yourself, you should try to wane down the obsession you have towards them. Not only will obsessing over someone make it more difficult to keep them off your mind, it also renders you stuck in the friendzone. Obsession is a very unhealthy mechanism by itself and more so when you tend to indulge in it as your means ends to cope up with happenings. In its self destructory nature, harbouring an obsession lends you to be so involved with and about someone- without their consent- that you tend to become more of a creep for them.
Needless to say such a behavior will not bring you out of the friendzone anytime in life. Your best coping or even emergent mechanism should therefore be one that lets you keep thoughts of them somewhat at bay. Lesser portrayal of your interest and even lesser pursuing will not only hold your person in good stead for yourself, it also can impact your mission out of the zone you are now entitled to.
Time your way out!
The most common reason people end up languishing as the friendzoned ones is because they let their emotions show too soon or too late. Opening about your feelings for someone when it’s just been a couple of months since you guys met or when they already are only moving on from a breakup is certainly your ticket for landing into the dreaded space. Likewise, confessing your love for someone already engaged or committed will mean you don’t have any other place to fall flat in, except for the unwanted confines of the friendzone. Identify first whether they love you as well before you devise ways to make your pursuit of love a worthier affair. Seek therefore the opportune moment of making your love known and avoid falling into the friendzone altogether instead of having to get out of it!
Let them miss you
Sounds a bit ironic that the same person who friendzoned you would be the one craving the togetherness but this isn’t something particularly alien. Just because they see you as being just friends does not mean that you do not harbour any significance in their life. They are just not inclined to you romantically, not as yet that is, but you indeed are important enough to be missable. Work therefore your way out of the friendzone by tapping into the effect you might have on your ‘friend’.
Make them miss you even when it might take more than a few efforts on your part. Ditch being the one to call or text first every time, or do not let your personal space be encroached upon by them at will. Either the missing feels will mark the onset of the romanticism unto your midst or it will lead to cutting off contact altogether. Either way therefore you would be moving out of the friendzone.
Whether you land in the romantic land thereon or embark on the path to losing them, however frightful that might be, this is one of those moves that will essentially change your life. Because a one sided love saga needs to be ditched sometime in life and the sooner you get the clarity that this is exactly the thing you need to do, the better it would be for you.
Do not let yourself be exploited
Just because you love someone should not entitle them to extract things out of you every time. You sure would be doing stuff for them out of love- something as crucial as helping them out to fancier indulgences like importing their favorite chocolates, and that perhaps is okay. But you should not feel like you need to oblige their every whim or be responsible for them all throughout your time in the friendzone.
You might tend to think that this is the easiest and perhaps the ideal way of being something more than friends with them. And it might even seem like this is even working out, what with you receiving more of their affection and attention. While this might be the case sometimes, it surely is not the ideal scenario to be in. Because you never know when they might indeed be digging into your most vulnerable state to their benefit. And every time you seek to oblige, you are only leading them to push you further into the zone from where you would be serving their every need without question.
Also this purported easy way out of the friendzone can even make matters worse in that it might project you as someone easy or weak. Someone who do not have their own conviction and dwells in the validation of others, an individual without a strong sense of self is unlikely to attract romance into his life. Because love also is a decision as much it is a feeling which can perhaps drive a ‘defenseless’ you off the romantic radar for someone. The ideal way out of the friendzone rests in being a soul resilient in love and not susceptible to it.
Let go off the things that are not working
While it’s essential to not let yourself be exploited and used, it’s also equally important to not prod them into too much goading. So after your initial fruitless efforts at initiating the romantic feels, you need to cut it some slack. Persisting with your efforts at impressing the one you love when they clearly are not working out for long will push you further into the friendzone because of very obvious reasons. Efforts indeed matter but you need to be putting in smart work to that end. Irritating someone over and over again with all those uncalled for shows of love when they are not even willing to respond to such romantic invitations is your way into the deep abyss of the unfortunate space that characterise your love life at the moment.
Your experience into the realm of romance will only be initiated once you learn to respect also the feelings (or the lack of it) of others and let them be in their preferred space. Over time as you build up on that acknowledgement you would tend to emerge as more sensible and desirable which will be promptly prodding you out of that friendzone and into a space of romantic bliss.
That having said, it should also be safe to initiate romance when you can feel that your dive into the zone of being just friends is more a matter of apprehension than of apathy. Of course it would be of utmost necessity to read the situation right, failing which you would be doomed into residing in the no romance state forever. Making the right move at the right time is the key to making your way out of the friendzone.
Live your life
There’s nothing more unattractive than a person who seems to just sulk and whine away his misfortune of not mattering to someone rather than living his life. Your life doesn’t end even when you end up being in the friendzone and it’s necessary to take that in stride if you need to have any chance at moving out of it. Do the things you would be doing anyway- go about your passions, travel to work, hang out with pals, enjoy with family, do not let your entire life be halted by your existence or otherwise in a mere space.
Do not also absolutely make a mention of all things you are doing to the person who consider you as just their friend. It’s utterly unnecessary to let them know how you are living your life unless they obviously ask for it. Even when you go out seeing people do not let them know in the hope of making them jealous. Why it is pertinent to keep things as ordinary as living your life on your terms to yourself is because it isn’t anything special that you are doing, either for yourself or for others. Showing off will not in any way guarantee that you manage to escape the friendzone, being true and genuine is what bodes well for your way out of the same.
Getting out of the friendzone wouldn’t be so much of a necessity if you didn’t slip into it in the first place. Most people can’t evade the unwanted tag of’being friends’ because they do such things that immediately can set potential romances off. And being a bit too open and receptive is exactly the way to go about being and doing just that.
Irrespective of how much of an open book you might tend to be, you should not be divulging all about yourself all at once. There’s a certain mystery and enigma about being a tad bit withdrawn that attracts people towards you. Without that aura you manage to create, you wouldn’t be a very interesting person which obviously doesn’t translate well to being a potential romantic pick. It’s of course about love over anything else when it comes to building up relationships but the key here is to know how to work on letting the love bloom. Developing a friendly setting where you can reveal layer by layer of your being and flirt harmlessly as well is exactly all the love therapy you need to take your romantic chances to the next level.
Let destiny work it all out for you
However hard you might intend on making things happen, they will only be a reality if they are indeed meant to be. There’s no way you could be escaping destiny, specifically at times when you are hell bent on ditching it. It obviously would be something more flexible if the pursuit in end is some physical goal but when it is matters of the heart in tow, things tend to be way more trickier and unpredictable. Wanting to get out of the friendzone will not make it happen if your stars don’t align to that effect. Trying too hard or embarking on random impulses just because you want to make things happen would only lead the friendship noose to strangle you tighter.
Work instead on self improvement and on being as better as you can be so that you tend to be as desirable as anyone else. Specially when you so want to get out of the friendzone and be instead also the one your loved ones covet, this work on the self is perhaps even more important than everything else you do. Whether it be physical transformation, emotional betterness, personality development or whatever that is not allowing you to propel out of being friends- do exactly that and to the desired effect.