There’s no way you can be in love and still steer your mind clear of thoughts that enamor and longing for moments that allude to the fancy. Rosy recollections and alluring anticipations have you living in wonderland all the time. Yet as love laughs a cruel laugh at you and throws you off track all of a sudden, these thoughts and memories are the things that come to haunt you. You want to get them out of your mind but the harder you try the more adamantly they keep reverting back to occupy your grey cells. But you need to because you don’t want to drive yourself into depression. So how to stop thinking about someone you simply love too much? Read on to discover ways to snap out of that not very healthy addiction-
Miss them so hard that you can miss them no more
Miss him/ her so bad and so long that you miss them no more. The fleeting nature of human emotions indeed allow for you to take charge for even your own intense feelings. Because missing someone is easy, have the easy way out at the beginning. Let the feelings overpower you, brood over them, rue them, miss them, cry oceans of sorrow over them. Let your soul be washed away by their every memories and do wail remembering how beautiful times were with them.
There is something so satiating about allowance that it robs even magic of its mystery. Allow yourself the luxury of crying over and over and over again till you can cry no more. Sure, your heart will feel heavy, your soul will feel like it has no life left to cherish and you will feel an emptiness creeping over you. But once you are done with it, you will realise that your suffering was only for the better.
As you while away your time in pursuits as these, you will realise that it wasn’t worth so much of your troubles. It’s the dawn of a realisation like this that allows you to get over the ones who once made your life a complete whole. How to stop thinking about someone you love too much sounds like an oxymoron, but it is much more of a boon than a bane that you will come to thank later.
Manipulate yourself into believing that you can
Influence yourself into believing that you can indeed get that someone out of your head. Confidence is everything and the way you exercise your beliefs is exactly the way your life will pan out to be. Head therefore on the path that will allow you to convince yourself that you can indeed live without any burden resting in your mind. Your conviction is your greatest asset and worth all your belief and attention. Dwell on it as the means to stop thinking about the one who is driving you to despair and see how you have life in your stride.
Goad on further with your life passions
Try to concentrate on other things and issues that matter at least as much as the one you can’t stop thinking about. Like sure you must have some goal outside of a person. Or your life shouldn’t be so meaningless that a single person can exert so much of influence over it. Allow yourself the bliss of a life that is yours to live and enjoy. It’s quite nice that even in this age of temporary emotions, your feelings are steadfast enough to be completely absorbed by a single person. But letting yourself be at their mercy for your every happiness and comfort is the most unhealthiest thing you could be doing for yourself.
Learn to live life outside of dependency and you will be amazed at just how self sufficient you can be. If you indeed have to stop thinking about someone, do not rue your misfortune. Instead, take it as an opportunity to further your own passions and nurture those pleasures you had somewhat neglected. Not only is this a wonderful way to get people out of your mind but it also is a harbouring of the worth of your own life and celebrating the purpose in your very essence.
Stick to a strict no- contact policy
Cut off all contacts. Be it over phone or in person, it’s wise to not maintain any contact whatsoever with the person you are trying to get over with. Because out of sight, out of mind is a dictum that works, albeit slowly, but sure and steadily. Don’t call or text unless it is something really important. But even then, don’t coerce into believing that the issue at hand is urgent just so you can use that as an excuse to connect with them.
And while you are evidently trying to shun contacts, don’t give it to the temptation of prying on them. Stalking is a complete no- no, either on social media or in person. But wait, don’t block them yet. The block- unblock saga is a circle of viciousness that does not let you even disconnect properly with someone, let alone get them out of your mind and soul. Whether it be dealing with one sided love or with breakups, social media should not be able to yield so much power. By all means, you can or rather should unfollow them since you shouldn’t want them all over your feed. But reserve the block button for extremes and don’t let social profiles take over your life in your moments of vulnerability.
Ditch all tangibles that seek to keep you connected
Do yourself a favor and get rid of all that you have that constantly reminds you of them. Be it anniversary wishes, birthday gifts, first flowers, chocolate wrappers, watches, clothes, even pens and key rings, and each and every matter of what seeks to bring their name into your mind, remove them without delay.
It will hurt to deframe your first every photo together and hold it in front of the lighter. Smashing the watch that are reminiscences of your good times will feel a bit like hammering your heart. But you need to do all of these and more. Return things you are too fond off to just destroy them away, but lose them anyway. And wait, here’s a warning. DO NOT take this gift returning as an opportunity to go visit them. You have courier option, so well courier it to them. Or otherwise just dump them. And it feels like being too ruthless, remember that saving your own self justifies every iota of the role of the ruthless destructor you have taken on.
Soak in some of their imperfections
It isn’t easy to find faults in someone you love way too much. Because love drives you blind, you are bound to be enamored by the one you think are perfect in every respect. However, if you really do want to get them out of your head you need to probe deeper into their negativity.
This does not necessarily mean you project them to yourself as someone they are not. Neither does it mean that you go about spreading rumours or believe in some yourself. Rather, take time to carefully analyse their goods and bads or for that matter how they indeed can be offsetting at times. It might all seem like an exercise too futile at first, but there’s psychology at play.
Often a times, as you discover that some person of your circle indeed can bear some negativity, you tend to distance yourselves from them. While in love the case might be somewhat trickier. But as you chance upon some of their not so perfect manifestations, it will become easier for you to get over them. Because as much in love the heart might be, your brain will be imploring you back to those instances of imperfection. In the tug of war between the heart and the brain, you have to consciously let your grey matter win over this time around. Having someone constantly on your mind acts no less like a drug. It’s therefore up to you to make efforts to pull yourself out of the addiction before it threatens your peace.
Indulge in distractions
Take this hovering need to get someone out of your mind as an opportunity to develop newer interests. Turn to something that will interest you enough to leave you with little time for things that cease to matter now. Travelling is perhaps one of the best of indulgences to emerge stronger and happier of just about anything. But otherwise also if you aren’t the wanderlusting kind, the world has hundreds and thousands of options that can get you hooked. Just don’t allow the big bad world out there to take advantage of your vulnerability, and prod you into something that would be out of your better interests. Stop thinking about them but don’t let your mind go into a lull. Instead, do something productive.
Have fun with friends
And sure, seek comfort in your friends. They are the ones who won’t be judging you no matter what. Be honest to them and open up about the breakup or whatever it was, even when it’s all your fault. You will be reprimanded over something that you did wrong but it will only help you get over your misgivings.
Take the advice and support of your friends and count your blessings. Go out with them and have fun, seek and explore and live freely and fully. But also make it certain to make your own decisions. Of course your friends love you and will have your best interests in mind. But do always what you want to, free from influences of others, whoever that might be. In any case however, consult or at least make known your decision to your pals so that you have someone to fall back on in case of eventualities.
Getting someone out of your mind can be an individual pursuit or a collective goal. True friends will always make your ‘salvation’ a process more benign and introspective. Do things with them and take it as an opportunity to be all the more grateful for their presence in your life.
Take your time and stay on course
Give yourself and the process some time. Don’t just expect yourself to snap out of it. That’s being too harsh on your soul that has just endured a battering. Instead, let some time pass. Time is the biggest healer and obviously the means to make amends. No wound can heal overnight. So take it as a comfort that you are on the process of recovery and you will heal sooner or later and even emerge the stronger out of it.
Don’t sulk that you aren’t resilient enough to make things happen. It’s understandable that you will tend to feel and be miserable when you are going wacky in the brain with all those overpowering memories. But let it dawn upon you that it will take time for the universe to align and make things all good and fine for you. Once you accept that your time will come you will find it surprisingly easy to allow your heart some more solace.
Go a bit easy on your pursuit
Along with the belief in the universe, also have belief in yourself. Understand that every human being has their own coping mechanism and the extent to which they can bear and suffer. So don’t compare yourself to your roommate who was over the breakup in just a month. Or don’t consider your feelings to be fake because you are slowly getting to keep them out of your life and mind. To stop thinking about someone, you might have to go through a certain amount of what you identify as guilt. But in reality that is your growth and also an immense necessity for you. Trust your instincts and have patience with yourself so that you can keep yourself well on course for your pursuit.
Forgive and forget
Holding grudges is the easiest way to hold on to your obsession with someone. Because you would be forever thinking about the wrongs they did to you, you would cease to let them slip out of your mind. Be the bigger person for your own sake and let go all such bitterness and seek rather to forget and forgive. Vengeance is evil not just for the clinginess it grants you unto others but also because it makes your existence a restless experience. Steer clear of all maliciousness if you want to completely stop thinking about that once special someone, in love or in hate.
Realise that you aren’t alone
There’s a different comfort in knowing that you aren’t the forebearer of immense suffering in the world. There have been heartbreaks as long as there have been mankind on this earth. Many in fact seek artistic expression in their doom. Some turn poet, others take to painting, still others turn nomads.
It’s easier to stop thinking about someone when you let your feelings find free flowing expression. Get them out of your head and pen them instead on the paper or paint them on some canvas. Scribble them down on notebooks or release them in the wilderness of nature. Find any outlet that lets you share your suffering with the world, in a way that also renders you as artistic as any. There truly is art in pain and once you have known how to translate your sorrow into pursuits that appeal and entice, they wouldn’t have any place left to occupy in your head and mind.