Death is one of the harshest realities of life. Yet death isn’t the only loss we have to endure. Because loss is so implanted as a trauma, it becomes more difficult to cope up with it. Losing someone as your own is a grief that can be unsettling. Whether that stems from mortality or morality is inconsequential. However, what’s worse than loss itself is the anticipation of loss. The constant fear of having to lose someone important in our life is no less exerting than loss itself. In fact it is one of the worst situations to be in- fearing the thought of loss and grieving the being of it. To cope with loss, it’s important first to ward off the accompanying fear. Here are 10 ways in which you can overcome your fear of losing someone from life-
Accept your fate
We as humans are mortal. That is a brutal truth we have grown up witnessing all around us. It’s indeed very difficult to come to terms with the passing away of a loved one even when we can almost see that coming. And you cannot ever get over the fear of losing someone if you believe them to be someone irreplaceable in your life.
The foremost point of getting over this fear of loss is acceptance. Acceptance of the adage that man is mortal and no matter how hard we may try, sometimes destiny does not let us have our way. Most of our worries and suffering in life stems from the fact that we aren’t completely accepting of our fate. We accept it only seemingly, while still dwelling in that sliver of hope against hope, still wishing for some miracle.
There’s nothing wrong in having your hopes high but there needs to be a limit. You need to be able to realise that none of us are in any way immune to the doctrine of death and passing that have forever been the norm. Because it is only in acceptance that you find solace and it is in this solace that you slowly begin to lose your fear. The loss of a person is shattering, the loss of fear is liberating.
Realise that life is a gamble
While losing someone to death is the way life perpetuates on earth, it’s the fear of losing someone suddenly that strikes you the hardest. You are all up with them, happy and contented, together- fighting and laughing, cooking and eating, sleeping and waking, they have been a part of you.
But the very next moment reality laughs an evil laugh at you. As you gather the courage to lift the white cloth covering the lifeless body or see them leaving you for someone else, the pain of what just unfolded numbs you. Worse, you still can’t believe that they are no more- at least, no more for you. You are washed away yet again by this fear of loss at least momentarily before the reality unfolding right there hits you hard. Your worst fear has come true and in such suddenty that you can’t even make out the grevity of what has befallen you. Not only that’s harsh, that’s disturbing as well.
In such cases, it understandably gets a lot more difficult- to cope with the loss and the fear of losing out on others as well. And no, you just can’t snap out of it. What your bruised soul needs now is some coaxing, a gentle reminder that you aren’t at fault for what happened. Because it’s easy to fall prey to your own demons when you are vulnerable, it’s very essential to not let your guard down.
It’s equally important to remember at this point that irrespective of whether you want it or not, the world will go on as usual. The fear of losing someone tends to make you much less paranoid when you believe that you can go on along life all by yourself. Once you understand that the innate self love that flows through your veins will help you make it through come what may, the fear of loss becomes to seem surprisingly less intimidating.
Do not seek closure
While dealing with fear of any kind whatsoever, it is absolutely important that you do not nullify the existence of it in your mind in the hope that you will get over it. Denial only makes acceptance harder and the longer you seek closure in your thoughts, refraining from admitting them, the harder it becomes for you to get rid of such fear.
The fear of losing someone might be more intense but because it stems from basic human emotions, we do not really understand the impact of it. We hope it will some day waver off and then things will get less stressful. Instead however, as we mask our fear rather than choosing to face it, we are left all the more despaired. This spiral mess of what can even be mild panic only gets acrimonious, threatening our very sanity.
On the other hand when we let the fear wash over us many times till the point it has only little bearing on our being, we emerge stronger and braver. And eventually we also learn to ward off such negativity even when accepting their presence.
Seek therapy instead
Constantly having to deal with the fear of losing someone isn’t always you just being over- sentimental. In some cases, this intense fear manifests as a medical condition called Thanatophobia. As unrealistic as it may seem, even this phobia, like all other phobias in the world,necessitates treatment for you to do away with it. Though it is highly unlikely that we would seek to associate this very elementary human trait as something that would need therapy, but in cases where the fear goes extreme, seeking out medical help is the best way to go.
What makes this fear of losing someone a medical condition even when we may cease to recognise its medical nomenclature is that it seriously hampers your way of life. A life lived in constant fear isn’t a life lived at all. At most you are only bearing through it, while terrified by your persisting notions. After a certain stage when the fear gets too extreme to be brushed aside, it ends up affecting not just your existence but also those you are fearful and protective of.
Live in the moment
Losing something already makes the world seem mundane and worthless, do not make them even worse by constantly feeding your fear into them. Realise that what has to go will go, no matter how hard you obsess over it. Trying to bind things to offset such intense emotions only ends up making your loss more painful.
Rather than making things unbearable for everyone out there because your fear is getting the better of you can in fact speed up the process of losing. Because it seeks to drain out every energy and even the last ounce of hope, fear can leave you ruing even what you have. Learn instead to live in the moment so that you will at least have memories to cherish when your fear indeed finds some basis.
Let go of the fear of losing someone if you want to shower them with all your love
Let me be blatant- this isn’t any way to lose fear. But this particular dictum encompasses such motivation that it can be more effective a way than any of the others in helping you tide over your qualms.
Fear is an emotion that seeks to drain every bit of your being. There’s no contradiction greater than professing to love someone and then going on obsessing over them. Love is one thing, obsession is another. And your unduly intense fear of losing someone only point to your possessiveness about them. They are at most a source of your happiness and not the other way around. This for sure isn’t love and if this really ain’t that much magic then for sure you would not be dying over their loss.
On the brighter side however, you would not be very fearful of the one you truly love. Because you know your love isn’t bound by conditions of forever togetherness for it to sustain its depth. Your love will live on through those few times you have been happy with each other. The negativity of fear cannot in any way take over the power of something as strong an emotion as love. Cherish therefore your love for what and how it is rather than what it will be once your ‘object of affection’ isn’t yours anymore.
Fail fear because fear can drive love away
It isn’t only about how fear manifests itself greater in the incompleteness of love. It’s also how fear can take a toll on your relations that should encourage you to drive it away. Because your apprehensions tend to extend over to others, you cannot claim your fear as being a personal suffering.
Not everyone will be resilient enough to want to see you through your darkest days. After a while when your fear tends to become more of a routine that you rant about, it can drive people out of your life- people who you otherwise might not have lost hadn’t you been so emotional. In making loss a reality rather than helping you to avert it, fear is your ultimate enemy. And if driving your nemesis away from your life isn’t enough motivation for you, then I don’t know what is!
Identify the root of your fear
While the fear of loss is nothing unnatural, there are people in which it finds greater manifestation than others. In such case doing away with the fear needs you to first identify the basis of it. Extreme fear can be a result of a past that has been critically empty or that is steeped in losses of any kind whatsoever. In such cases, fear that is governed by a horror of recurring past experience needs to be carefully analysed. And conquered.
Remind yourself every time the fear tends to get the better of you that your past doesn’t define your present. It’s just a phase of life and once you have been through it, there’s no going back. Sometimes even when you desperately wish to. Sure, history can repeat itself but it will not necessarily manifest in the same breath. Once you have convinced yourself that your past experiences aren’t any omen that will have your entire life in doom, it should be easy to push the fear away to a back foot.
Be on your own
Once you have emerged from the shadow of emotional dependency into your own world, you will realise that your fear isn’t as big as you had made it out to be. Most often, the fear of losing someone stems from the belief that you wouldn’t be able to live without them.
No life on earth is designed to be so very dependent on others that they can’t survive by themselves. Being on your own is more a habit that you can perpetuate at will. If you find the fear of loss making things- and life- difficult for you, you should try to adopt a different approach to life. Be it in everything negligible or something substantial, learn to live on your own. It might sound at first to you like we are asking you to dump the very essence of human nature. But as you make your way through it, you will realise that this isn’t something that manifests the intensity of moral degradation in man. In fact it is the best way to live a life not pestered by undue worries or extreme fears.
Do not be despaired by your fear. Sure, take the fearlessness of your peers as a motivation for you to ditch your own. But never let the people around you define who you should be. By desperately trying to kick fear out of your life, you will only be landing yourself in a loop that sucks you in all the more. Make the loss of fear- and not the fear of loss- be your determination in life. To drive the fear away, weaken it such that it becomes redundant. The trick here is to break your fear down in bits and pieces while building yourself up all the same!