Love is an enigma for some, a distraction for others. But you can’t deny that love indeed is omniscient- it finds way into your life whether you want it or not. And specially when you least expect it.
However, not everyone is lucky in love. Worse, not everyone wants to get lucky with love. There are in fact some people for whom love manifests not as something very beautiful but as something really dreary, as if they indeed fear it!
The fear of love however is not just an abstract concept as you would like to think it is. Fearing love is very real, as real as love even, and maybe intense enough to be categorised as a Phobia. Philophobia is the overwhelming fear of love or more precisely, the fear of falling in love.
But even when you think you have interpreted what Philophobia might be, chances are you are only lurking on the horizon. Because this fear of love is merely an aversion to all things too conventionally romantic. It is a genuine bout of panic that overpowers you any time there is a discussion about your love life. Philophobia manifests itself through anxiety bouts and panic attacks, spiralling heart rates and shallow breath, and a lot more physical conditions. To decipher if you are among the ones with this not so uncommon fear of something so coveted, here are 11 listings that might pin point whether you have Philophobia: the fear of falling in love-
#1 You think you are unlovable
This might stem from a lack of confidence or you knowing the inner demons that possess you. Someone who considers themselves unworthy of all love and attention will likely come to fear love as something unattainably perfect enough for the imperfectionist in them.
While in most cases, this tendency of considering yourself not ‘conducive’ to the love that comes your way stems from a lack of the understanding of your self worth, things can get more complicated as well.
Sometimes your notion of dreary repulsiveness stems from the essence of your own self. Like when you harbor such thoughts and feelings that can be vile even for a heart that simply cannot seem to do away with them, you feel you have no hope left. This makes it even harder for you to believe that there would be love for someone like you. Unable to attain that coveted love, you start hating, and then fearing it!
#2 You are too guided by the gones
Past trauma guiding future relationships is an infinite loop of vicious apprehensiveness that can also lead one to developing Philophobia. It’s indeed difficult to wander deep in the alleys of love to search for a light you haven’t encountered yet. Specifically because, all you have ever received in the name of love has been tears and abuses, and arguments and threats. This makes it only natural for you to think about love as something so ugly and despairing that you come to fear and avoid it at all costs.
#3 You don’t ever want to give up on all comforts of your single life
Those who have had the bliss of enjoying singledom for long periods of time will know the anxiety that takes over at the mere thought of having to lose it at one some point or the other. While this is something that is completely okay to feel like, in some cases it might even be one of the defining signs of the fear of falling in love.
Philophobia as it seems is not only fearing love in what it had done to you, it is also as much about what love might make of you. While falling in love is something that you cannot control, developing a fear for it can stem from this apprehension of giving up on all the convenience of a solitary existence. You begin fearing the vagaries that might stem out of love like not having the whole bed to yourself or having to head responsibilities that aren’t particularly your own once you are in a committed relationship with someone.
#4 You can’t compromise, not even a tiny bit
While compromises aren’t the pre requisites of falling in love, inevitably with time, love that grows into commitment and commitment that grows into forever togetherness will need that you make adjustments. In such cases if you are someone programmed to wanting all things in accordance with your own interests, chances are you will grow up fearing love- more specifically, fearing the tediousness that love seems to bring along. And while this might be not a clear cut sign of suffering from Philophobia, chances are this might be a reason behind your fear!
#5 Your issues with intimacy pop up every now and then
Intimacy issues can be a very clear cut sign of fearing everything that has to do with love and affection. There are people who aren’t comfortable with the manifestation of intimacy in any of its forms- physical or emotional. Because it makes them too vulnerable or simply because they are not adept at revealing themselves knowingly to others.
So even when you like all the cuddles and the attention and are totally into the sex a relationship most likely brings along, you still aren’t comfortable with the notion of making love a part of your life.
#6 You are averse to sharing your own self
Okay, sharing your own self with someone sounds too philosophical so let’s keep it a bit crude. Philophobia becomes more glaringly obvious in people who don’t nurture the habit of sharing. It can be sharing things as tangible as your food, your personal belongings, or more elevated matters of the mind and heart like your emotions and inhibitions. It doesn’t really matter what you do not want to share- the point is you are someone completely averse to the ides of letting things be someone else’s other than your own.
#7 You would rather not trust anybody than end up getting betrayed
This again stems from your past experiences at being too naive and gullible. Maybe some time in the past you trusted so much that you ended up being hurt. Fearing love can also have to do with that overbearing burden of being betrayed and/ or cheated on by someone you had been counting on. Because even in all its fantasy, love needs trust and belief to find its own way.
#8 You get intimidated by all the mushiness
Love is something that drives even the sternest of hearts to yearn cosiness and harbor happiness in the silliest of musings. Clearly then, if thoughts of mushy romances and cheesy somethings sets you off so much that you begin to fear the very notion of being in love, then you are someone with Philophobia.
#9 You fear getting too emotionally dependent on anyone
Counting on someone is one thing, being dependent on them is another. While it’s nice having someone you can freely share all your emotions and feelings with, getting so attached that you begin craving them for even your minute needs can be really off settling. So if you are one of those whose who fear getting too dependent that they would rather not even begin to knowing them, then you exhibit classic signs of being someone with Philophobia.
#10 You don’t want to be left in the lurch
Past experiences can be very handy when it comes to traumatising your present. You don’t want to be left muddled one more time in pursuit of anything romantic. Philophobia makes its presence felt somewhere within you in manifestations that might seem vague but is very pertinent indeed. Developing a fear of falling in love is in fact even easier than falling in love itself!
#11 You simply think love isn’t worth it
What is more worse than losing yourself in the fear of love is not even deeming love as something worthy at all. This might stem from too much assertion of your own self or once again a reminder of all things dark from a wary past. A fear of losing your identity, being trapped in something very binding, something which demands so much commitment that it might even drain you off- relationships are not everyone’s cup of tea. Over time, this aversion becomes so deep rooted that it translates into something more dreary, transcending your life and reality with Philophobia- the fear of falling in love.