Being in love is perhaps a feeling we all want to belong to at some point in our lives. But loving isn’t exactly the easiest of things to do. Loving with only half your heart or loving more than you need to can put you in a spot. Same goes when you fall in love with someone who isn’t exactly the one for you. While you can’t really control who you end up falling in love with, it’s necessary to tread carefully forward so that your life isn’t rendered pathetic by too much or too less of it. Here’s some signs that tell you that you are in love with the wrong person so that you are warned enough of not wasting any more of your valuable time in nurturing this facade of futility-
You are spending too much time together or not at all
You guys might be the couple who are always together. Or you might be the ones always apart. It’s really always a case of the extremes because you simply can’t find a mid- way. What’s wrong here is the fact that you can’t seem to set your priorities straight. Because you aren’t comfortable in the boundaries that you might be forced to set or vice versa.
You aren’t comfortable with them, you aren’t comfortable away from them
When you are with them, you find them irritating. When you are away, you miss them. That can be a very conflicting emotion to deal with. It’s clear that with such mess you are only perhaps in love with the idea of your partner and not their being. You would like them more when they are a fantasy as opposed to what they are in real. Which is surely not the way to be in love.
You aren’t you when you are with them
And no, we don’t mean you as being carried away by the sheer aura of your partner’s presence. That some shit that looks good in fiction and is rarely translated in real life. When you cannot be yourself with someone- in this case the person you are probably thinking of spending your whole life with- you as well shouldn’t be with them. If you are constantly conscious of how you look and act around your partner because they have warned you not to embarrass them in public, then rest assured that they don’t really love you.
Of course it’s good for you if you try to change some behavior that doesn’t bode well for your person. But if it is something forced and not consensual, then you are letting your individuality take a downside. It’s obvious then that you are in love with the wrong person if they try to mould you as per their own whims and fancies.
You find dealing with things yourself
Not that it’s a bad thing. It’s good that you are strong enough to deal with whatever shit life throws at you. But when you have someone in your life, someone you love, you would want to share your problems and stuff with them. And expect to be lend at least some healing words if not a helping land. It’s nice to feel cared about even when you can handle stuff on your own. But if your partner isn’t someone who would make as much as even an effort to be with you in your tough times, then they surely don’t deserve you. Of course you would still love them. But you might not want to put any more effort to have them in your life.
You are constantly questioning your worth
If the person you love does things that constantly belittle you so much so that you are left questioning your worth, then it’s a very tell- tale sign of being in love with the wrong person. Of course you aren’t perfect but making you feel like that all the time isn’t fair either not because you shouldn’t know but because you as an individual are worthy of all happiness. Anyone pushing you to such limits of realisation that is not needed is not worth your love.
You don’t see a future together
This depends more on you than them. You might think you are in love but if you cannot envision a future with your partner then most likely it’s just an infatuation or a feel- good mechanism for you. Being in love and being in a relationship are two very different phenomena. And if you aren’t in love enough to see a forever, then either the love thing is all in your head or the person you have feelings for is not the right one for you as yet.
You don’t have a life outside of the love
Being in love doesn’t mean that that’s the only worthy aspect in your life. But if your partner is such who expects you to be theirs only and not nurture your other relations, then unfortunately you are in love with the wrong person. True love is when you are encouraged to live individually and develop passions outside what is just another relationship. But when you cease to have anything except such love in life, you are so much better off without it.
Your conversations aren’t free- flowing
Because your love needs to be your safe space, it only makes sense if you can just be real and speak unfiltered with your partner. There’s no point being in a relationship if you have to constantly mask yourself or choose each word carefully enough to be able to impress. Conversations with bae should be genuine and without any inhibition and if such fluency is not something that stems from you then your fantasied love needs a reality check.
You don’t think them worthy enough of your family
No matter how madly in love you might be with someone, if your gut feeling isn’t right about the person then the one you are losing your heart to isn’t the right one for you. Because if you don’t consider someone important enough to take home to your family, then they sure aren’t important enough when it comes to being the one you would want to spend your life with.
You find your past being forcefully dragged into the present
Being in love with a person who opens up the wounds of your painful past on every pretext possible is one of the worst things that can happen to you. Unless your partner realises that the past needs to remain where it belongs, you don’t really have any incentive to be with them. You know you are in love with the wrong person when they become your reason for despair rather than the way out of it.
Your words do not have an earnest listener
Often a times you find yourself ranting about your day or going all gaga over the new eatery you just tried out only to discover with disdain that you are talking to thin air. Someone who isn’t ever interested in your life or your musings sure is not the right person for you to be head over heels in love with.
Your love tends to drain you out
If most of your time in the relationship is dictated by concerns of how badly would he react if he finds out that you need to cancel your weekend date or what would happen if he finds out that you started the new show without him, then your love is unduly infesting your life. Instead of being a blessing, the relation is becoming your source of everyday stress. You can’t be in love with someone and spend every second of the day worrying about life with them. That might be love alright, but surely with the wrong person.