That silly space called situationship!


Rarely have we not been there- that space we don’t want to be in but somehow manage to slip through into because of the many ways life likes to smirk on us. We are alluding to the ‘zone’ we elevate to when we grow out of a friendship with someone because clearly, we are more than just friends and yet we don’t have enough of the ‘more’ to call it a relationship yet. We of course are not the ones to be languishing in the dreaded friendzone, but even having evaded that ominous distinction we find ourselves not quite in the clear. The complex entity that the heart happens to be, at least in biology, means that matters of it tend to eschew our very perception of what we ‘would never be’!

Going by common knowledge however, this state of affairs is quite common an occurrence in the love circuit. Though we may witness this cacophony of undefined emotions in different intensities at different points of our love cycle, this very relatable phenomena, known in proper ‘relationship’ terms as the situationship is something we unwillingly find ourselves in. And while this might not be the most pleasant of places to be in the relationship spectrum, it also isn’t conclusive a universality that all situationships need to be bad.

In fact in various points of our existence, we might find a situationship to be far preferable than a ‘normal’ relationship. Imagine for instance the cute guy you are crushing on happens to be also one of the dumbest you have ever encountered in your life. And yet in his enamoring smile he harbours a charm so radiant that makes you want to be seen in public with him, holding hands, smiling and seemingly happy in love. But despite of all the yearnings, the very thought of a relationship with him is far fetched because he is just not matured enough to be in one. So the only way you can innocuously live your dreams while ensuring that it does not become a nightmare for life is to explore aspects of romance with him through a situationship.

While situationships do not entirely stem from a fear of commitment, there still would be at least some inkling of this apprehension in such sort of a half baked romantic relationship. More often than not, it is the unsurety about the feelings that drives potential lovers to this situation. Of course, there can be less compelling desires that can lead two people to situationships. Those who want the heady feel of romance without the complexities of a relationship to worry about also are particularly aligned to the situation of situationships. But much like such relationship statuses as ‘friends with benefits’ or ‘it’s complicated’, situationships too stem as obscure experiences of romance, devoid of the warmth of love and wanting to exploit only the magic of it. Or so we think. What makes situationships as messy a relationship status as any other is that most often than not one of the involved persons starts harbouring feelings which comes to be the undoing of it all.

Situationships in fact are more ambiguous a relationship status than any other. For those who have ever been friends with benefits with someone will understand, this aspect of the ‘arrangement’ is at least well defined, irrespective of how casual and nonchalant a take on romance it might be. Situationships, for the most part, are confusing mainly because there is no even fixed determinant of it. You don’t declare that you are starting off with a situationship. You just start off and take it along as it takes shape in your mind as a bond that clearly foregoes the boundaries of a platonic friendship to dwell instead on the romantic, involving often sexual affection. One of the many diversions from the traditional mode of romance, or romantic relationships, this is a situation that thrives on what you tend to make out of it inside your mind. Because of its ambiguity, it’s also difficult to define situationships, not to mention how this also further complicates things. A possible outbreak of the easy dating scene of the modern times, this obligation free plunge into exploring the many dimensions of love is yet another quick fix of a generation constrained by the limits of their own emotions and the fear of being imperfectly human.

Deride however the feelings involved and situationships can be a very convenient, even fulfilling, manifestation of the romantic life we so long for. After all who would not want to give in to those cuddles of love and caresses of affection that is something all humans, nay, all living beings crave for? Being however in a committed romantic relationship is not so much a favourable proposition for many of us, and not only because we don’t really know what we need. Sometimes it’s also the aversion to marriage or such other concerns that scare the shit out of us. But inspite of being such a relationship situation that clearly keeps commitment at bay and allows us our unrestricted freedom, situationships cannot be viewed as something exclusively involved in by the casanovas and the playboys, or playgirls, of the world. This whole concept of a situationship is one that remains marred by numerous assumptions of its working, while in reality it is purely as individualistic a relationship pursuit as any other.

The perils of a situationship however tend to be more empirical than the experience of it. If one of the involved persons starts getting emotionally involved in such a kind of relationship setting while the other remains ‘true’ to the situations of the situationship, there is more than just heartbreak that is on offers for the one attached. Because this is a setting that does not hinge much on deep talks and/ or meaningful conversations, it becomes difficult for the person to let their feelings known. While on one hand there is the issue of comfort in opening up, at the same time there also is the fear that they might end up losing even the some degree more than casual whatevers that was between them. There also is a general tendency of romance to make us believe that the one we are fond of also harbours a certain feeling for us. If not, it also is the magnanimity of love that lets us be hopeful that perhaps sometime in the future, the sparks will find way from both sides. In such rosy anticipations and romantic longings hinges the soul now very much in love to the point that they become more involved in their part of the relationship. Unaware that the other party is only content in being with them as and when suits their fancies. In the absence of any effort and commitment from the other side, it becomes a one person relationship where they try to give their all, draining themselves from within. It becomes worse when the one loved also happens to be someone too enamoured with their own selves. There is the potential of such relationships emerging from their casual self to instead morph into toxic ones where the one with the feels is constantly exploited, drained and exhausted to unhealthy extents. While for the other this might take on such forms that serve to conveniently enhance their pleasures and further their interests through such time pass relationships or such fake ones. Toxic behaviors therefore are not common in such stances that one tends to view as situationship even while the other wants to take it along the traditional committed route.

Even without any love involved however, situationships are not the most ideal of places to get you in, in order to ‘try out relationships’. Because such romantic states that dwell only in the physical, or at least existential need of it and not in the emotional elements also seriously limits the perceptive extant of the heart. Real relationships are those that are rooted also in such ‘weak’ perceptions like emotional vulnerability, intimacy that goes beyond touches, talks that aren’t always sweet whisperings of fantasies and also such responsibilities towards each other as two people involved with one another in some emotional capacity. Also in their all enamoring charm, situationships can even prevent you from forging other long term relationships since you are too pleased in the experience of what you are currently having, without allowing yourself the truth that you possibly can’t go on like this forever. In having you so involved in your perception of the good life, a situationship can be a very assertive situation of barring you from indulging in the fulfillment that true relationships and unconditional love have the potential of enriching our lives with. In also its powerless fore therefore, a situationship can be harbinger of serious issues that you begin to see with yourself. From questioning your worth because you are not begetting the love you want to give to harbouring complexes while of course losing out on experience of emotional growth and stability, a situationship can be very harmful for if you do not manage to keep it at just that. Which while is difficult because of the undefined nature of it that which is also the very basis on which it sustains. In preparing yourself for a situationship therefore, it’s neccesary to ensure that you do not fall prey to the lure of temporary gratification and end up trading your life’s peace for it. In swinging between the everything and nothing extremes where a situationship dwells in, make sure that you do not end up losing your stability. Of mind, of life and of the heart.