Friendship is a choice that evolves into an asset. We become friends with someone, we get to know them and be with them all our life. But not all friends are worth having in our lives. Like books, friends should be good and few. Because not everyone deserves our effort, at least the friends we choose should be worth it. Choosing friends wisely is all the more important because your folks also define you. As they say, birds of a feather flock together. So it would do you well to have friends who are true even when they are few. Here are 11 types of friends to avoid and absolutely not give a damn about ever again-
The friend who is never there for you
A friend in need is a friend indeed. Of course you chill and hangout all the time with your friends. And life seems all fun and games with them. At least till the point you really need them for something and they aren’t ever there. These people are definitely the types of friends you need to avoid, not because they aren’t there at your every beck and call.
It’s understandable if this inability to help you stems a couple of times. But beyond that and specially when they don’t seem to be missing in action every time you need to have a grand party, it’s easy to know why these aren’t the people you would want in your life. True friends are those who are with you in your worst times. And someone who does not make as much as an effort to help you when you really need them is for sure not the ideal kind of friend.
The friend who is no longer the person you build the bond with
Sure you grow with your friends and they grow with you. Most often you guys aren’t the same people who got into the friendship because you have evolved with life, with experiences and with understanding. However, you need to be aware of how positive this journey has been.
You can grow out of friendship as easily as you grow out of love. But the point here is not that. You can be friends with someone all their life and realise that you don’t bond as well as you used to. Maybe because their ethics have gone for a toss or maybe they aren’t the same kind of person you would vibe with.
Of course you cannot contain the growth but you can sure let them know what bothers you and why this is important. If they indeed are wrong and devise ways to mend themselves, then well and fine. But if not then unfortunately they also become one among the types of friends to avoid. Not because they would not change for you even when it’s for their own good but also because you can’t sustain any real relation with someone you aren’t comfortable with.
The friend who very casually snaps at you, often
Sure, the range of complexity that the human emotions encompass, it becomes tough at times to cope up with a bunch of them simultaneously. But if your friend constantly snaps at you at every pretext, then you perhaps are better off without them.
No one has their life carved out smooth for them. We all have our fair share of struggles to deal with and to grow from. This does not however entitle us the benefit of understanding. Just because you are a friend to someone does not mean that you have to deal with their every bullshit. Your friend also needs to realize that he/she just cannot blurt out anything without filter just because you would understand because you are ‘such a good friend’. It’s also upon them to be a good friend to you as well.
The jealous friend
Have you ever been snubbed by someone when you called them up, all excitedly, to let them know just how delighted you are at having bagged the first job of your life? Or when that guy you have been crushing for so long took it upon himself to initiate a conversation and you ring them up in ecstasy and are just met with a pale ‘nice’? Then you know what fake people behave like.
Similar is the case with your fake friends, people who claim to be your friends but are so jealous of you that your every reason for happiness becomes their cause of despair. All these people can manage is a malicious grin when your admission to the university got cancelled. Then there are also the even more jealous souls who turn so green with envy at your every achievement that you can clearly set it writ large over their face. They might be your so- called friends, your colleagues, relatives or worse, even someone in the family, but they do not deserve to be in your life when all they can do is get unhappy about your happiness.
The friend for whom you are the rival
You have heard so much of sibling rivalry but friendship rivalry? The reason you don’t get to hear about that so often is because there cannot be friendship when all you are doing is competing. These are the types of friends to avoid and thankfully, most people realise this on their own.
Yep, competition is healthy, there’s nothing wrong in demanding a treat from your bestie when she has been crowned the new dancing diva of the college while you missed out on being the class topper. There isn’t even any harm in challenging your friend to a match of tennis to assert yourself as the champion. But beyond that, when the competition becomes more frantic than friendly, rivalry begins to show if your friendship isn’t true. A true friend will never be wallowing by conceding a set to you but a friendship that is fueled by rivalry will go berserk about it. Such toxic friendships are the relations you should not be concerned about having in your life.
The friend who gossips
Granted, we all get somewhat bitchy with our besties. It’s one of the guilty pleasures we indulge in with people who are just like us! But gossiping isn’t so harmless in the guilt if it’s your friend saying mean things about you behind your back. Or even if they are being unjustifiedly gossipy about someone even when you might have told them to back off, then it would do you good if your try to avoid such types of friends. Because a person who speaks bad about others in front of you sure will cut no slack to speak worse about you to others.
The friend who takes you down on a guilt trip
There would be times when you might not be there for your friend because you are genuinely stuck in something. Or instances when you can’t side with your friend even if you wish to because you know they are so wrong this time around. But this should not be a cue for them to remind you how unfriendlike your attitude towards them has been.
Taking you on guilt trips like “You didn’t even take my side and you call yourself my friend?” or “You aren’t ever there for me” (even when it’s the first time such thing happens and you had a genuine reason for that) is not so cool. Friendship is as much about understanding as it is about fun and bonding. And if your friend does not even want to understand your situation, resorting instead to blaming you then sure, you are better off without such people you call ‘friends’.
The always bickering friend
You become the person you bond with. Having a bickering friend is bad for you on so many levels. First it makes your life mugged by arguments and second, it also moulds you into a similar kind of soul. You can’t expect yourself to remain calm and composed when someone, even when they are the ones you genuinely care about, goes on and on with their fights and complaints. Of course as a friend you can be making efforts to help such people do away with such unhealthy behaviour. But once you are done with it and they don’t even seem to carry the heart to change themselves, then they become just another of the types of friends you need to avoid if you want to live a peaceful life.
The forever unhappy friend
The same goes for a friend who is constantly finding ways to be unhappy and resentful. All they do is rant about how bad life has treated them or how cranky their boyfriend is or even how cramped their apartment has always been! These are the people who cannot ever be happy and spread unhappiness even to others with their very nagging complaint mode on all the time. It’s for your peace and growth that it is essential to drive such people out of your life since they clearly do not want to even grow out of being just a complain box.
The friend for who you are a therapy
We all have turned therapist for our friends at some point of time or the other. Mending broken hearts, nursing tattered souls, upping destroyed confidence, uplifting shattered self esteem- friends heal scars of your life more efficiently than what you would have done alone. And that’s in fact a very valuable aspect of friendship.
What’s more you don’t even have to be the closest of friends to help each other grow. All it takes is some level of patience, a better understanding of things, an empathetic heart and willingly listening ears. Helping someone out of darkness doesn’t only help them, in doing something good for others you also feed your soul. Friendship indeed strives and thrives on such mutual efforts of healing and growing.
But just because you are a very efficient ‘therapist’ does not mean that people should take you for granted all the time. You have been there for your friends every time they needed you so it would make sense if they also stood upto you some time you need them. Or at least allow your own wounds to heal before bombarding you with their own problems. You are your utmost priority and if the people around you does not realise that or does not see your worth then it’s very obvious wher they should stand in your life.
An understanding heart also sometimes craves for attention. Even the strongest of persons needs a shoulder to lean on. If your friends aren’t the kind of people who would gladly help you grow through life, then for sure they don’t deserve you. If every time you call up your bestie to relieve yourself they star burdening you more with some issue of their own, then the time is high enough for you to avoid such types of friends and let them go their own way, that should very much be put of your life.
The friend who ignores you
Friendship is easy when we are kids. All it takes to make and break friends was a simple katti or abba. But life isn’t that simple once you are all grown up. Naturally friendships also take on a different meaning as they pass through time.
As grownups with lives of their own, it’s stupid to expect your friends to hang out with you as often as they used to. There might not even be much time for casual meetups or even phone or video calls and texts. But if you are a matured individual, you would not let such things affect your friendship.
The scenario is not the same however when it comes to deliberately choosing priorities. If your friend is not concerned enough to catch up with you even when they are in town for two long years or if they suddenly cancels that long pending plan with you because er, bae is here, then it’s time for you to move on. Friendship does not need any medium of expression but if you feel the connectedness dwindling then it’s worthless referring to such bygone friends as your friends even now. You would be better off by avoiding them because they could not care less about you. It’s not worth holding on to friends who have long ceased to make you a part of their lives. It is only by letting go of such people that you can respect your own worth.