Delusions

STORY APNE APNE bishal kalita
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A few stories are lucid enough to make your heart melt but it has always got the other side of it as well.

It is a Friday morning and I wake up  with a heavy head, once again. My body aches and I feel unrealistically carried away to the other side of the world. I have been dreaming quite frequently these days. I haven’t been taking my anxiety pills recently and probably these bunch of surreal dreams are all a part of it, but the strangest thing about every story is a girl who seems to be somewhat like you, everytime.

I feel it was just a mere delusion; a delusion that haunted my soul every night ever since you are gone. There is an usual pain inside me after every clip of those dreams urging my soul to surrender itself to death.

I walk by the room to check my drawer. The sealed envelope has still got the same dark texture of it’s grave past. I open it up, while my hands shake terribly. The cleaver is still lying out there and I cannot help but just take it out of the drawer. Seeing it has always given me a daunting fear running down my spine as it has always reminded me of that particular night.

I remember everything about it. Sometimes I do wish that I hadn’t seen your phone beeping, but unfortunately I did. I was three shots down that night and quite frustrated with our marriage. I had always sensed that we were never a normal couple as nothing was fitting in the right place and I didn’t know the reason until I saw the text over your WhatsApp. 

“I love you too honey” the text read. I was completely dwelled into the insecure side of my character. Nothing could have calmed me down and I just had to scroll up to read everything.

I’ve always marked cheating out on somebody as the most awful thing in the world, probably because I had always seen my dad suffer due to what mom did to him. And guess what ? Unfortunately, you were trying to repeat all of things that I had to see happening infront of my eyes since my childhood. The decision was difficult to make, but wasn’t impossible. And trust me, it didn’t take much time and effort.

This cleaver exactly reminds of how I reaped your throat from the middle, that night. I didn’t have any option you know. Cheating is the most awful thing as I have already mentioned. Sometimes, a mere amount of guilt do arise inside my mind and I’m afraid that you haven’t gone yet.

This place and everything​ related to us just has something unusual that is driving me crazy day in and out. The fear of death repeatedly surrounds my mind in deep terror. I feel like I’m living but in a way that doesn’t support normalcy. A kind where you feel that you’re​ losing yourself and nobody is even noticing. I know it’s you, or maybe not. This question and the fear attached to it is hollowing my body from deep within. I know, either I’m dying in a few days or I’m going crazy soon.

To grab some fresh air, I decide to go to the backyard of the house. I know you stay there now. How do I? I know because I buried you there, didn’t I? While I light a cigarette, the deep breeze blows with an essence of anomalous similarity. I smile and i know that it’s you. You’re seeing me and I can sense your presence nearby. I’m unapologetically scared yet astounded.

Some stories do not have an ending I suppose. I thought that I rowed my boat to the shore and got over your chapter completely, but I was wrong. Now it seems *like even the half way is still far away* and even the mere thought of it is enough to drive me into a world of nothingness.

Yeah, some stories really do not end easily and it repeats what you did in it and that just make all the difference.

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